3/19/04
By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Hoops
And all you naysayers said I was nuts to take No. 15 Pakistan U. over (over-rated) No. 2 al-Qaida State. Hah! Hah! And Triple Hah!. . . We’re being sponsored today by Dasani water today. Because Bonnie Bernstein drinks it. And I bet that means Tracy Wolfson drinks it too. And I’d drink anything they drink. . . I think I got quite Spanarkled one night in Wichita. Or was it Omaha?. . . Where do we get a Diener of our own? Or, for that matter, an Iguodola? . . . Admittedly the Sierra Nevada Pale Ales quaffed at a secret, undisclosed location on Stetson Road in Norwell, might have affected some judgment, but I’m pretty sure Dave Leitao’s front, gray spot expanded during the double-OT win over Dayton. . . Is it me, or does Clark Kellogg seem ready to beat the piss out of Seth Davis?. . . Perhaps the best thing about Bill Raftery is that he literally knows what play is going to be run next, but he doesn’t ever brag about that knowledge – he just puts it out there softly and surely. He was scarily “on” during the latter half of Dayton-DePaul tussle, foretelling plays perfectly for both sides and even pointing out traditional UConn plays that Leitao has borrowed for his squad. Which, by the way, will be to Jim Calhoun’s HUGE advantage tomorrow. . . Great day of exposure for the New York-centered Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference. Manhattan (and maybe-woulda-coulda-been UMass head coach) Bobby Gonzalez manhandled wimpy Florida in the afternoon. At night, good guy MAAC Commissioner Rich Ensor was consistently seen checking his replay monitor near the Dayton bench . .This all reminds me, be sure to catch HBO’s Real Sports and the segment James Brown does on messy Missouri Basketball – It debuted the other night just as Missouri was falling to Michigan in the first round of the NIT. By the time it’s over you’re shocked Mizzou was invited to anything but a court room – never mind the (semi-)prestigious NIT. . . So, another year of Lappas? Okay, your call, John McCutcheon, but don’t let us hear you whining about having attendance of 17 (including the dozen freebies you gave to the Turners Falls Home for the Elderly). Lappas doesn’t ignite passion in the legions. Maybe no one does until they win. This was the safe, if un-sexy, way out and that’s the way they do things in Amherst, forever and always. . . Nice to see Buck squeeze two columns out of his trip to see the Pizza Delivery Guy Hockey Coach, Toots.

Bracketcetera
I’m usually just a small pool guy and I love the ones where a “dirty Dollar” goes to the person who comes in last. But this year My Buddy Paul swindled me – and I mean that most cordially – into both a pool and a team auction. I’m bloodied after night one, but I’m not un-conscious by any means. . . I’ll admit I was pretty psyched when he told me I was getting into “The Damon Pool,” . I’m thinking, great, I AM gonna party with Johnny. Turns out it’s this classic UMass guy, Bill Damon – who ruptured his Achilles’ celebrating Mike Vrabel’s Super Bowl touchdown. That’s just awesome. Damon seems to be looking for some Patriots Draft coverage now that April’s peeking over the calendar at us. This ain’t the place. But I will give you this one from 1993 when I said: “Rene Ingoglia could be the Pats running back for the next 15 years.” No one listens to me. . . By the way, My Damon Pool, Night One Results: 2-13-1 (I wrote in Steve Lappas’s Awful Haircut to beat UConn and Bill Damon liked it enough to mercifully give me a tie instead of a loss.) . . . Damon checked in to correct his name to Bill (not Bob, as originally posted); and to let us know he’s not related to Johnny, but he IS Matt’s uncle. His nephew, Matt is nine and also wonders “Who made Affleck Red Sox Nation spokesperson?”

Ball Breaks
Who has more endorsement deals Shaq or Snoop? Or Snaq or Shoop? Or Trump? . . .The Carmelo/Shaq Radio Shack press conference spot is Hall of Fame awful. . . And where, exactly, does Bud Selig stand on this Bionic baseball player story-line on that new Saturday night CBS show (that looks Hall of Fame awful as well?). . . So, I guess every NCAA athlete doesn’t play professional sports post-grad. Is that the gist of this campaign? Just checking. . . Cingular. . . Sorry – things flash before my eyes at random times during this four-day stretch. . . Papa John’s. . . Ian Eagle.

Baseball
Don O and Bob Tewksbury worked well together on St. Patty’s Day. Of course by the time they came on at 1 p.m., I was half-way through the Santa-delivered keg of Guinness (see, commercials really do come true!). But the real point of any baseball entry at all during these basketball days is to mention the sleeveless, curly-haired babe who served as what appeared to be the stage director in the Sox booth. I couldn’t get enough of the two-shot of Don O and Tewks. TV guys have all the luck. She should host the pre-game show.

Pigskin
I actually had the thought of looking on Ebay to see if Ricky Williams’s shaved dreadlocks were for sale anywhere. But I resisted. . . Ty Law doesn’t seem to understand that enough is enough, does he?

Shaughnasty
Anyone want to let Danny Boy know it’s March Madness? The steroids will be there in a month. Trust us on this one.

Rants and Raves
Somehow I was fortunate to still be awake for Courtney Love’s David Letterman appearance on Wednesday night. It was car-crash TV at its finest. Letterman was brilliant with facial expressions that summed up any viewers’ thoughts: How messed up is this woman? And, believe it or not, there’s actually a legit sports connection to this item: Courtney’s “performance” bumped off WFAN’s Mad Dog, Christopher Russo, thus making Love the only person ever able to silence the Puppy. . .Power naps get you through the tournament better than tournaments get you through the power naps. The Freak Brothers said that. . . No. Sleep. ’til Brooklyn.

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David Scott is a freelance sports writer based in Hull, MA and can be reached at dscott33@comcast.net