3/22/04
By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Hoops
They should really wean us off the games a little softer. All of the sudden, there was Lesley Stahl and I was still looking for Schenscher. I use the original Schenscher razor – it gives a great shave. Who knew the inventor could shoot so well? What a talent. . Let’s give the Tournament’s first weekend’s One Shining Moment, moment to UAB’s Mo Finley. Finley was Mo better praying with his head down on the UAB bench before and after Kentucky’s failed last possession. CBS can throw that in the OSM package immediately. . . If you’re looking for three story lines for San Antonio (personally, I’m just looking for free beer when I get there) you’ll be rooting for: Oklahoma State and under-appreciated Eddie Sutton, Vanderbilt’s Honkies (see below) and one of our all-time favorites, Wake Forest’s Skip Prosser. . . So, one question: Survivor? Is that on anymore?. . . It’s sick, I know, but I already miss Tracy Wolfson. . .My total basketball viewing hours are too astonishing to reveal, but it is safe to say that through the use of every TV set in the house, I was never more than 12 feet from hearing or seeing CBS4. My first non-college-basketball viewing time since Thursday at noon came with last night’s 9 p.m. Sopranos. That’s just beautiful in my world. Just beautiful. . . Funny, funny dialogue in the ‘Ranos, but still, not enough whacking. The tree cutter scene was priceless. . . Did anyone else hear Seth Davis say, “Golly gee”? I might have been imagining it, but the fact that I even question it just makes his whole existence quite disturbing. . . Greg Gumbel just does his job and does it well, plain and simple. Amazing he’s related to Bryant. . . I’m still imagining steak and shrimp. And shrimp and steak. . . So today, Monday, without at least eight hours of basketball, I’m thinking about tying the old Mitsubishi Mighty Max pick-up to a big oak tree and extending my short cab to fit a crew. If it doesn’t work, I’m blaming TV. . . What? Like it wouldn’t work. Just have to find the right lawyer. . . Did I mention what I named my sheet in the Billy Bob Damon pool? I’m currently sitting pretty in 98th place with the FreeWhiteyBulger entry. At least Whitey knows I’m a winner!. . . So it looks like viewership for the Sweet 16 should amount to about eight people total from west of the Mississippi – the whole octet of ‘em cheering for Nevada. . . Oh, and I suppose that’s east coast bias, too, right? More like west coast suckas.

Sunday Night Shows
Steve Burton, ever the creative soul, tore up his bracket during the late CBS4 newscast and then crumpled a (supposed) sheet to introduce BU head coach Dennis Wolff for Sports Final. Sure am glad I stayed up for that one. . . The bad news is that Joe Amorosino returns to host NBC7’s Sports Xtra next week. The good news? Wendi Nix handled those duties once again this week. She even managed to elicit a ha-ha from Danny Boy when she asked if the week’s injury news from Sox Nation worried DB or Jackie Mack. “Not me,” grinned DB, “I’m always positive.”. . . Both CBS4’s Alice Cook and NBC7’s Gary Gillis turned in solid BC Loses pieces from Milwaukee, while ABC5’s Mike Lynch made up for his station’s absence with some passionate highlight reading for the UAB-Kentucky highlight package. . . On Sports Final, Gordon Edes praised Theo Epstein for putting together a deep roster which helps offset a loss like Trot Nixon. In contrast, Danny Boy went so far as to invoke images of Larry Bird lying on his belly near the Celtics bench. . . Still, inexplicably, the subway-like noise remains over at NBC7’s Xtra studio. . .Both Xtra and Final had Bruins segments. It would seem they still play hockey in this town and the local six are putting together a nice run. Who knew? Probably W.B. Mason. Geez, I’ll miss Grady Little’s “Who knew?”. . .On Red Sox This Week, Sgt. Friday, Sean McDonough joked about the recuperating Jerry Remy becoming Wally Pipp to Bob Tewksbury’s Lou Gehrig. Good humor there, as always when McDonough gets a shot at ribbing the Rem Dog. . . Cook’s Kevin Millar feature for RSTW was outstanding and even included a look at his motorcycle and discussion of his midnight rides down Newbury Street. Millar will regularly contribute to the show throughout the season, something we’re guessing Nomar won’t be doing.

Pigskin
I’m beginning to see a trend with those chosen many who Ty Law allows to interview him. I mean, Stephen A. Smith? Where is the logical connection there? Who’s next, Jayson Blair?

Basketball Bob
It’s not so much the original comment Bob Ryan made on Tony Kornheiser’s radio show about Vanderbilt’s Caucasian tendencies that is most disturbing. It’s Ryan’s response to The Tennessean’s Mike Organ, that seems shortsighted and unnecessary. Ryan is quoted as saying: “The audience at ESPN is presumably a sports-savvy audience which means that in terms of basketball they know the code, ethics and culture of basketball, which is, in case anyone is new to the game like some of these idiots that apparently have responded in a negative fashion, the code is it’s a black man’s game and the white man is privileged to be allowed to step on the court,” Ryan said. “That is known by both blacks and whites. If it weren’t easy to joke about this in the culture, you would not be able to have a move entitled ‘White Men Can’t Jump.’
“It’s beyond my comprehension that anyone who likes basketball would be so dense and ignorant and just clueless not to understand where I was coming from.”
And this is where Ryan over-estimates his readers/viewers/listeners. Since the NCAA Tournament is such a huge work-time activity, the audience is not the typical basketball-viewer. More likely, they’re the “never” viewer. So, the mere mention of race as a pre-determiner of ability is going to perk ears otherwise wouldn’t know Basketball Bob from Baghdad Bob.
At a certain point – maybe even this week if the Globe seeks to make an example of Ryan – he is going to need to decide between being a national columnist for the Globe or a national commentator for ESPN. If he chooses to remain a Globie, he needs to use the smarter (and safer) ways of making such comments about a team’s make-up. He could say, for instance, Vanderbilt might have some “athletically inferior” players or maybe they “play smartly, but not quickly”; point being, there are ways of saying what Ryan meant without making it seem so, I dunno know, racial. In other words, sugarcoat it so the general public can infer what it wants. Especially, it must be noted, if you have already been publicly censored once for the Joumama Kidd remarks.
The Globe is too starchy, too staid an organization to continue to allow its writers to express themselves beyond print without that classic “Globe decorum.” That was supposed to be the message of the WEEI ban the brass insisted upon.
Bob Ryan is pretty close to the only thing keeping the Globe sports section relatively worthwhile. If he continues to run off at the mouth on this show or that, I fear the Globe will run him off their pages. Bob, as your buddy Dick Vitale might say, “Bottom line, cool it!”

Rawhide
It seems like a good time to remind you that Wednesday, May 26 at 7:05 p.m. marks the home opener for Super Sub John Kennedy’s North Shore Spirit at Lynn’s refurbished jewel, Fraser Field. Kennedy, the ex-red Sox and now the Super Spirit Skip, celebrates a birthday three days later, so be sure to bring a card and present as well. And sign my name. . . (In the interest of full disclosure, Kennedy’s son, Scott, is graciously taking me to the Celts this coming Friday eve. But I must repeat, there is no quid pro quo.). . . With the Grown-Up Sean McDonough working Sunday’s Sox-Orioles game, it was quite amusing to switch over to NESN’s Fan Attic and hear Baby Sean calling the 1987 BU-Northeastern (with Reggie Lewis) ECAC North title game. His style was already smooth, even if his voice had yet to go through puberty. . . That’s for messin’ with Rem Dog.

Rants and Raves
This week’s confounding bit of news judgment comes once again from the Globe and SportView’s Bill Griffith. A full two-thirds of the dreadful column was dedicated to two bozos who were cut from ESPN’s embarrassingly awful ‘Dream Job.’ Worse yet, Griffith thought it would be good to get advice from the rejects. Usually, I like to get my advice from people who succeed. But that’s just me. Once again, someone needs to look at a calendar on Morrissey Boulevard – it’s March, it’s March Madness and a good 90 percent of the readership was probably tuned into some portion of CBS’s coverage. Are you telling me there wasn’t a Tournament story more worthy than some yawner about reality TV crap?. . .Oh, that’s right, Lame Duck Skwar is transitioning out so the inmates must be running the asylum, which would also explain Danny Boy’s horrendous, boring bric-a-brac column from the other day. . . By the way, Al Jaffe’s so damn bitter on ‘Dream Job,’ he cut Stuart Scott last night. Which was long overdue, by the way. (I don’t actually watch the whole show, I swear, I just like to be able to officially make fun of it at least once every Monday. . . Now all the sudden, when a new coach (Paul Pierce’s Dennis Johnson suggestion) is brought up, Danny Ainge is in the “middle of a playoff race.” What happened to losing for the Lottery? I’m so confused. Someone bring back KC Jones. . . Steve Buckley aka Zoe’s Master, tallied three positive, UMass hockey stories in the stretch of one week. That should fill the quota for another 25 years. Buck’s a proud alum, that’s for sure, but no sane man can write three hockey columns in one week. Good effort, Buck. We’re big Toots fans now as well. . .It took 62 seconds for The Vet to fall in Philly, which means the FleetCenter should go down in about 15 seconds, leaving a spot to build a more Conseco-like building, as they should have done in the first place. . . The Wall Street Journal and writer Stefan Fatsis continued to hammer away at URI in Friday’s edition, but the story hasn’t been moved forward in months. It just seems like a nasty vendetta at this point and one that will continue until Rhody admits all sorts of wrongdoing in the L’affair D’Harrick.
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David Scott is a freelance sports writer based in Hull, MA and can be reached at dscott33@comcast.net