A bit of a diversion today resulting from the philosophical talk Dr. Charles Steinberg, DDS, laid on us after last Thursday’s workout in Fort Myers. Admittedly, the good doctor used a lot of language we languished with, but for the most part he just gave proof-positive that this Sox ownership group “gets it.”

Theater of the Absurd?

Fort Myers, Fla. – This was after Kerri, the friendly Red Sox PR staffer, had taken the picture of Pedro Martinez with the baby, for the baby’s family. Smiling, they were, all the way. It was after Johnny Damon had signed and signed and heard Backstreet Boy screeches of “Johnnnnny!” from the pre-teen girls. Smiling, they were, all the way. And, it was after Terry Francona had showed his range from cliché-ing to engaging. Smiling, he was, all the way. After all those fistfuls of Fenway Friendliness – and more – at The Fort, we needed to gain some perspective. So we turned, naturally, to the short man with the long vocabulary in the button-down Polo shirt. And this is what he said: “Ours is the theater of the un-scripted ending.” It wasn’t quite Shakespeare, but give credit to Dr. Charles A. Steinberg, or as he is more formally known, the red Sox Executive Vice President/Public Affairs. As near as we can tell, that title means Doc Chuck is supposed to be the public face of the (semi-) private owners. But that’s too narrow a job description. On this stage, in Boston’s klieg light Kenmore Square, Steinberg needs to serve (and/or entertain) many masters, something he acknowledged was lacking in the years prior to his arrival (with the new ownership group). “The organization we came into, in my opinion, had too much of what I call, ‘triple adversarialism,’” Steinberg Seussically told BSMW. “The triangle – of the front office and the players; the front office and the media; and the media and the players – had too much dysfunction. “Now, the building of that trust is a high priority for this ownership group.” If any of this sounds familiar, it might because Robert Kraft had a similar triangular dysfunction (something we believe to be easily solved with Levitra, a proud sponsor of the Pats). But Kraft didn’t have these four numbers: 1-9-1-8 to deal with. So even with a model franchise in the same, all-encompassing New England media market seemingly doing everything correctly, Steinberg and the Sox can not truly look anywhere for experienced guidance. His – and the owners – job is, in essence, to simply hype the already over-hyped; to retain, grow and captivate the most miserable of long-suffering fans; to go where no man has. . . you get the picture.
“Cheerful fun is our intention when it comes to the nurturing of one of America’s great rivalries,” said Steinberg, cryptically seeming to apologize – or at very least attempt to explain – some of the Henry-Lucchino-Steinbrenner give-and-take. “It’s about two proud franchises with markets brimming with enthusiasm that is off the charts about their upcoming seasons.” Can’t argue there. Nor can you argue with Steinberg’s bosses believing in the heretofore untapped “global market” for the Red Sox. Just two years and one week into the “new regime” the powers-that-be are asking: If the Yankees and Dodgers can be so-called International teams, then why can’t Boston? “If you have, as one of the visions (for the franchise), the global marketing of the Red Sox, then the Internet is a key to that global communication. The web is a key vehicle to communicate with people all over the world, instantly. We are given the opportunity with the Web – as well as with NESN – to inform people from China to India to Chile about the daily goings-on of this club. It’s a key communication tool and yet we know it’s just the beginning of it. It’s still a frontier.” Along with exploration of that vast frontier, Steinberg acknowledged interest in embracing that old media marvel: newsprint!. “We didn’t use all of what (the Patriots) did as a model, but I will say John Henry walked in with a copy of Patriots Football Weekly one day. And I would say, a weekly newspaper is a planted seed in our minds. But we have more important, more urgent matters for now.” And get a load of this, he’s not talking about the addition of 43 revenue-generating seats welded onto Pesky’s Pole: “We need to alleviate the open hostility felt by the humans in the media. When you recognize there is a human being attached to the pencil, that is when you restore human dignity and let them know you have respect for them,” Steinberg said. And somehow, that doesn’t even sound like horse hooey in this, his very own theater of the un-scripted ending. Or, as we like to call it, RedSoxLand – the happiest place on earth. A land where everyone seems to be smiling. All the way.

Leftovers from Florida
I hadn’t read much of mlb.com’s Ian Browne or his Sox coverage before re-meeting Browne at The Fort, last week. We used to chase the same crap around New York City in the wild 90s – he for cbssportsline and me for SI Kids. Good to see one of us has gainful employment. Not to mention he keeps it real and lets the subject’s voice be heard in full. Ian’t that a treat?. . . You know you’ve been in Florida too long when you swear you just drove by a sign that may have said: “Putt and Smut.” The Gentlemen’s clubs are never very subtle here. . . The only downside to the return from the Big Peninsula to the Little Peninsula – no place to get a good, hot-pressed Cuban sandwich. Well, no place within a stone’s throw from Nantasket Beach. . . After two evenings at two separate Dan Marino eateries, I was kind of expecting a specially-delivered Marino shot glass in the mail. Guess they didn’t appreciate me changing every 13 in the joint to a 12 for Brady. More haters. . . Marble Slab Ice Cream, I say. Marble Slab.

Rants and Raves
I’ve got Iona’s Greg Jenkins as the first pick in my mid-major, conference tournament fantasy league. What? You’re not in one? My Buddy Paul has room in his league. March Madness strikes deep in these parts. You’ve been warned. . . The following sentence will break new journalistic ground: Thank you Comcast, for having the cable guy scheduled to arrive between 1 and 3 p.m. on Wednesday knock at my door at 1:03. . . See, we’re all about the love here at the good ship, SS. . .It might just be me, but when I heard Sean and Jerry doing the Sox on 38, I fired up the Charbroil and went for a sunset dip in the Atlantic. . . Yanks-Phils at 1 p.m. today – could be the first chance to see A-Rodent’s arm fall off, oh boy!. . . We’re happy to announce the addition of Percival Parker Scott, the second in a long line of blunder dogs here at the SS home office. Percy handled his first night of obedience school at the Quincy Armory with only a few instances of CADD (Canine Attention Deficit Disorder). There were far more Master ADD cases – and I also discovered I have trouble with counter-clockwise/clockwise and right/left. Percy has vowed to work with me. . . Folks, it was Jessica Simpson at the Danvers Walmart last night – not OJ Simpson. Get a hold of yourselves. . . So, Candidate Kerry, how would you feel about your daughter dating a guy living on the beach with a dog named, Percy?. . . Okay, so Hollywood gets asked to send in two central-casting actors to play the BALCO lawyers and we get a schzlubby, bearded guy who doesn’t fasten the top button under his tie, and a bald, dent-headed, greaseball with some ridiculous Gillette Sensor mishap on his chin. It’s just not believable. Someone call Travolta and Hackman – they can pull it off anything. . . If there’s anyone doing better high school sports coverage than Jim Clark’s crew at the Herald, you’re going to have to prove it to me. Keep it coming, Clarky. It’s just one more way the Yellow Boxes keep killing the Green ones. . . And Herald Honchos, keep the Mike “Vacks” Vaccaro NY Post columns coming while you’re at it. The guy had the energy to go out to San Francisco and make worthwhile reading out of an over-done story. Bravo. . . Percy and I will be watching college hoops all weekend and filling out preliminary brackets for the 88th annual Scott’s Shots Bracket Challenge, but first we’re stopping by UMass-Boston for the used music sale to benefit the Boston Folk Festival. You won’t regret doing the same, especially if you have good taste in music. And people.

David Scott is a freelance sports writer based in Hull, MA and can be reached at dscott33@comcast.net