David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Hoops
Well hello, Mr. Smith. You seem to like March a bit, eh?. . . Here’s what the State University’s coach said in The Herald after the Midgetmen finished 10-19 with a loss to (freaking) Duquesne: “You always feel like you are taking command, but you never really have command until you have command.” A commandingly confounding comment from the soon to be ex-commander of The Program Cal Built, Steve Lappas. Lappas? You nearly killed us. . .Ah, that never gets old. . . Friend of the column, Freewheelin’ Freddy Albany checked in from the gutter in anticipation of St. Pat’s glorious Day. “Davey,” he says, “Was that The Fishball, Seth Davis in the CBS studio with Greg Gumbel? Where’s Clark Kellogg. I love Clark Kellogg.” Freddy, as always, has a point. Admittedly, Seth is TV-friendly and his presentation is usually smooth. But Lanny Davis, Jr.– he’s the son of the former “Feeder of the Beast,” for Wild Bill Clinton – needs to go NO STARCH and let out that Wild Dukie which lays deep in all Blue Devil souls. Then again, it might just be easier to bring back ClarkKell. Or Al Maguire, for that matter. . . Monsieur Charles Pierce passed along polite verbiage to the effect that he prefers the usage of Warriorover the somewhat clumsy (and PC) Golden Eagle, in all alumnus references. We, of course, understand being a Redman and all. The mighty haven’t fallen, Pierce, they’ve just tripped on their way to next season via the NIT. . . Percy The New Blunder Dog is becoming accustomed to the daytime tournament schedule which will be his life for seven of the next 10 days. Good doggie. . . How the heck is old Buck’s buddy, Zoe doing in ACL recovery? Please, resist the urge for the ‘roids, Zoe. It ain’t worth it, it just ain’t worth it. . . At yet, even more Kennel Club news: Percy was once again stellar in Obedience Class No. 2, but further signs of Canine ADD are creeping in. We’re looking into an “education plan.” . . . Doris Burke is my Big East Tournament MVP no matter what. And the Sean, Raff and Bilastrio has grown on me, but I still don’t know why you mess with the best tandem in the game. And yes, I hear you loud and clear, Ray Gondola, Sean is the best all-around broadcaster living today. Period. . . Can you actually be a bubble team for the NIT?. . . Enjoy the ride, Teddy Sarandis. This is your month, too, my friend.

Hockey
As an NHL outsider, I really hope this whole Bertucci incident doesn’t affect the quality of those little pizza-dough rolls served hot from the brick oven or the crispy thin crust I so often enjoy. What’s that? Bertuzzi? The guy’s name is Todd Bertuzzi? Oh. I see. Then there should be no problem. Carry on, NHL. Carry on. . . One Obedience Classmate said she contemplated naming her Boxer, “Bertuzzi.” She was kidding. We think.

Baseball
RemDog got a little goofy at the end of the Pedro/Schilling game on Tuesday – he started to encourage moronic fan behavior behind home plate. Fortunately his suggestion of 10 jumping jacks, in view of the centerfield camera, was never accepted. DonO smartly diverted talk back to the field. Even Spring Training needs some semblance of order . . I wanna party with Johnny Damon. . . Slow Newsday Sign No. 1: Fenway Frank Good Friday headline as the lead story (Herald, Thursday). Slow Newsday Sign No. 2: Stabbed Cabbie With Zipper Stitch shares same front page. . . Between the Catholics being barred from Fenway Franksand my Tribespeople being barred from Fenway Buns, I’m thinking Good Friday Opening Day’s gonna see record Skittles and Kit Kat sales Not to mention matzo pizza and fried matzo. “Peanuts, ‘stachios, fried matzzie, sponge cake.”

Shaughnasty
I’m guessing when the Globe sent one of its lead columnists to cover high school basketball at The Fleet Center, they didn’t expect Danny Boy to revert to high school (or middle school) journalism. Ever the dutiful scribe, DB tried to write like a teenager instead of playing like a champion, with gems such as: “How cool is that?” in reference to a brother and sister playing for both Walpole squads; and the kicker to the whole disjointed, bland, effortless piece: “Whether you are Jeff Adrien or a scrub playing the final 8.6 seconds, it’s quite a thrill.” Too bad that thrill was never conveyed to the reader.

Shaughnasty, Part Deux
ESPN’s Outside the Lines had the good humor to pair up Danny Boy and the incomparable Leigh Montville in a segment on Ted Williams. For loyal Boston viewers, it was a split screen of what is and what was and why it will never be again. . . Looking forward to Montville’s biography on Teddy Ballgame.

Barnicology
We welcome Mr. Barnicle back to the scene, but we do wonder why there are no Sunday columns planned? We also wonder if the Globe has any idea how woefully ill prepared they are for the Democratic Convention. Howie and Barnie will be on every news channel from here to Singapore. . . You do understand the best thing to come out of l’Affair Jayson Blair was that Barnicle’s misdemeanors became laughable? . . . And what do you think about all that, Professor Howard Ziff?

Rants and Raves
I’ve been meaning to drop a dime on Dime magazine’s recent Ricky Davis cover story, “The Great Adventures of Slick Rick.” Dime (www.dimemag.com) is the belated glossy answer to SLAM and with a few of the old hoopstv.com guys on board, it’s been steadily improving and evolving under old friend, Josh Gotthelf. You read that story and you sort of hope Ricky tries the under-the-leg dunk again. And makes it. . . I swear the Atlantic Sun conference stole the Atlantic 10 logo, which wasn’t all that snazzy to begin with. . . You can’t take OJ’s DirecTV away; how’s he ever gonna find The Real Killer without the dish?. . “This is SportsCenter, not Seinfeld.” Thanks for clearing that up. The LaVar Arrington/Kramer similarities were starting to get creepy. . .You would have thought NECN’s Chris Collins and Mark Ockerbloom would have developed a rhythm by now. They’re solid individually, but together they’re just awkward. . . Only greatness equals greatness. I’ve been Jordan Brandwashed and it’s not even the weekend yet. . . Anybody got an NIT pool I get into?

David Scott is a freelance sports writer based in Hull, MA and can be reached at dscott33@comcast.net