By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Pigskin
I don’t know how they did it – it happened in the seventh round so it probably won’t be discovered for some time – but the Pats picked Hart Lee Dykes again. . . This Guss Scott is welcome to guest star in this space anytime he wants, so get your paws off my man, you ‘EEIners. . . You know you’ve watched too much Draft when Sal Paolantonio seems to be in every scene during The Sopranos. . . Do you understand where I’m coming from now with my Suzy Kolber admiration? Putting her on the desk at The Theatre for Day 2 was pure genius. I actually cared who San Diego was taking in the sixth and it was all because of Suzy. She completes me. . . Somewhere along the way, Chris Berman got really, really old. And confusing him with technical glitches was none too fair, either – Saturday felt a lot like 25 years ago at ESPN – except people were watching this time and saw how vexing live TV is. . . Michael Irvin was so brownly-clad on Saturday, UPS grabbed him between segments and had him do deliveries in mid-town. . . I stole part of that joke from Stephen Angry Smith, who used it on twin commentators, George Karl and Tim Tolbert, during NBA playoff banter Friday evening. So don’t be getting all JasonJackBlairKelley on my ass. . .You know you’ve watched too much Draft when every meal of your weekend is eaten on the couch. . . In light of Pat Tillman’s death, let’s applaud ESPN staffers for their concerted avoidance of “war room” discussion and also for the abandoning of “war room cam.”. . . But let us not applaud ESPN’s player’s roundtable attempts. Perhaps scouting the participants a little, might help. Corey Chavous was promising, but the poorly-utilized Andrea Kremer could never find rhythm (or time) to foster good TV. Must be that Cold Pizza studio – Deadshow Walking syndrome, perhaps. . .You know you’ve watched too much Draft when Percy the Dog starts questioning Ron Jaworski’s tape breakdown. . . Eli Manning got all the glory yesterday, including recognition as Scott’ Shots “Pick with Hottest Female Member of Posse.” And we ain’t talking about Archie’s gal, Olivia. . .Archie lost a lot of fans this past week, don’t you think?. . . You know you’ve watched too much Draft, when you go searching for Hammerin’ Hank on Saturday and rejoice when you find him on The Deuce doing horse racing. . . No one really knows how to spell running back Stephven Jackson’s name, so we suggest this spelling. . .You know you’ve watched too much Draft when, on Saturday afternoon, My Buddy Paulie’s Lovely Wife, Tandee says: “It’s a little drafty in here.”

Sunday Night Shows
Credit Chris Collins with having Mark Blount and Nomar Garciaparra in-studio for his Sunday night show. Blount in a Celtics uniform come November sounds about as likely as me in Green for Turkey Day. It all crystallized nicely when Blount bluntly told Collins: “I just feel bad for Paul Pierce.” What about us, Mark? We had to listen to Tommy Pointless AND watch the games. . . About 30 seconds after Blount’s NECN appearance, Jackie Mack told Sports Xtra’s Joe Amorisino that Blount will be a Sixer next season. . . Alice Cook stole the spotlight for all of the Sunday night shows with her Ted Johnson feature on his involvement with Buzzard Bay’s Penikese Island facility for troubled youths. The lone problem with the touching piece was the timing – if it hasn’t already, it certainly should be run in a more visible spot during a dinner time perhaps. It was long, by today’s local TV standards, but well worth the viewing. . . It was also nearly ruined when rosy-cheeked Lobel came back from the stirring piece and urged viewers to stay tuned, because Lobie was going to “put you to bed with a smile on your face.” Has he no couth?. . . What is couth? Did Bob Cousy have couth?. . . WB 56’s Mike Ratte gave way too much air time to Pats fan mag maven, Fred Kirsch, on Sunday night’s The Zone. Fortunately it spared us empty words from shaky Jamie Kenneally, who served no purpose in the third chair during Draft discussion time. Kenneally’s Scott Pioli piece had the same, annoying voice fluctuation he loves to use over highlights. It’s like he’s going through puberty during each voice-over. He also continues to “mmmmm-hmmmmm” during one-on-one interviews which is always picked up by the mic and always sounds amateur. . . Was that too harsh? At least I watched the damn show. I’m doubting anyone else was. . . AJ Soprano gets a little hotty like that bikini blonde? Let me ask you this: where do you find a mob boss for a Dad? I’ll take two, please. . . Someone, please explain: Am I the only one who hears the background noise on Sports Xtra? Or am I the only one watching that, too?. . .Two of Boston’s three Sunday night newscasts led with Richard Seymour’s father’s sordid story. Guess which one decided Michael Jackson (and then wet weather) should lead their nightly news? Yep, NBC7. Zip Rzeppa would not stand for this. Zip, by the way is in St. Louis these days. . .I think Tony Siragusa was better with FOX on the NFL sidelines, but driving for Tony Soprano would be pretty cool. Goose is going by the name of Frankie Cortese in Jersey. . . Is Jim Corsi on The Sopranos now, too? He’s on just about everything else. . . Sunday night’s SportsCenter had some good “reality-TV”-esque success with a Ben Roethlisberger tale-of-Draft weekend mini-mentary. Having him fall to Pittsburgh made for great TV. . . I don’t think they’ve made a new George Michael’s Sports Machine since my freshman year at Syracuse in ’88. I swear. Like anyone would notice? We’re too amazed George Michael still lives and breaths. Is the co-hostess his daughter?

Neumania
Bob Neumeier handled different track duties this weekend for NBC’s Penn Relays coverage and the Peacockers should be proud of the Humble Handicapper. With an out-of-breath, post-race Marion Jones, Neumie went straight to the heart of the matter asking about Jones’s alleged BALCO connection. He pressed her on it and was never the least bit hesitant in knowing what the REAL story of the afternoon was. Lobel would still be there trying to get his first question out.

Rawhide
Near as I can tell Danny Boy and Pedro are visiting the very same Jeri-Curl Curler. For NESN’s pre-game show on Saturday, DB had the tight, red curls glistening in the Bronx sun. It was a perfect day. And he looked like Brad Pitt. Or Cameron Diaz.

Hoops
I spared my sensitive ears from hearing Tommy Pointless for the final two Celts’ games of the year. On Friday night, Bill Raftery offered a much better option over at ESPN (even with the grating Brent Musberger in tow). Yesterday, I went with a final, one-game boycott and focused on Pedro and the remaining Draft. . . So DannyA, all we ask is that you prove something with your coach choice. Show us a sign, Danny. Make us believe again. . . And get rid of the dancing Leprechaun– we’ll even accept a small dance squad of six Revere chicks as compromise. Call the Herald, they’ve got a few Wingo placard holders from The Rack who would do nicely.. . Nomar to Larry, 3rd quarter, Friday night: “They used to care about basketball here, right?”

Boxing
Larry Merchant used a Corsican brothers reference to illustrate the Klitschko brothers’ plight. Didn’t Cheech and Chong play those bros in the movie?

Pokey for VP
New York Times Magazine had a cover story about Ohio’s role as a swing state. Does John Kerry have any idea how huge Pokey is Ohio? Huge, I assure you, Mr. Heinz Ketchup. Huge.

Rants and Raves
The check I sent to BALCO wasn’t mine either. CJ Hunterever been in Hull?. . . A little Monday morning track and field humor – that can’t go over too well. . .These yankeeshaters.com guys are getting a good bump from Schilling’s wearing-of-their-cap, eh?. . . I can’t be seen in public attending Still, We Believe, but I’d be happy to preview a review copy if you’d like. I’ve got about 10 loyal readers. Ooops, sorry, nine. Mary McGrory just passed.

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David Scott can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com