By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Hoops
I had forgotten how much I hate the Lakers until last night at about 10:45. That hatred really is in my blood - Thanks, Dad. All of the sudden, it was like Magic, Worthy and Kareem all over again. Sure enough, Kurt Freakin’ Rambis wound up in every one of my dreams, all night long. With Chick Frickin’ Hearn doing the voice-over. . . Al Michaels lends his voice to yet another monumental sports moment and our guy Doc Rivers was on-point saying: “I’ve never seen an ending like that in my 20 years around the league. I’ve never seen anything like it, ever.” Al added a little NBA-friendly “We love this game,” echoed by Doc and then Michelle Tafoya managed two sterling Shaq and Derek Fisher interviews. . . Scott Van Pelt introduced the (shifted because of NHL coverage) 11 p.m. SportsCenter with “It’s why we love sports,” knowing legions turned to ESPN2 in order to watch the dramatic ending another 30 times or so. Stuart Scott managed to get in a “reee-diiiiccc-you-lus” within 15 seconds of being on-camera. Just what we wanted, really. . . During SportsCenter, Stephen A as in Angry Smith proclaimed “There will be no Game 7 – the series is O-VAH” in the San Antonio/Lakers series. He sure does get A as in Angry angrier during the playoffs. . .Every time I put on an Eastern Conference game, the score is 45-43. No matter what quarter. Odd, isn’t it?. . . Odder still, that every series was tied 2-2 (conspiracy theorists may talk amongst yourselves) and likely head to seven games in three of the four remaining match-ups. . . Seeing Michelle Tafoya do ABC’s sideline coverage last night, reminds me of this sign-of-the-times story: Just before Lisa Guerrero was offered the Monday Night gig, I was in the process of tracking her down for the now-infamous FHM spread (which was later “written-around” after LG vehemently denied a one-on-one interview, trying to get FHM to not run the revealing pics). This was my exact quote to an FHM editor when he asked if LG was going to get the ABC job: “If she does, it will be the dumbest move ABC has made since Dennis Miller.” Sure enough, the peculiar marriage failed. Now Tafoya – who is a close second to my favorite NFL sideline reporter, Suzy Kolber – is poised to show ABC just how dumb they were. I love it when I get something right. . . I also love mentioning Suzy because, well, she’s MY Suzy.

Appetizers
Which nation did Manny become a citizen of: the Red Sox’ or Bush’s? I hear the tax breaks are better in Bush’s. . . That’s sure to anger my real, live, actual reader over at BushCheney ’04 – the very same guy who was kind enough to BlackBerry over the Pats’ visit to the Rose Garden press release, FROM the damn Rose Garden! This guy has juice, I tell you. That being so, maybe I should also mention that I’m a Mitt guy from way back and that Kerry’s running mate decision will go along way in swaying this undecided voter. . . Too much politics, again, but sheesh Shaughnasty hasn’t been unbearable (or even present) in days and Bill Griffithactually tried some honest-to-goodness criticism in his I, Max assessment. This freaking humidity screws up everything.

Trending
Overall, the current Miller pseudo-political campaign, ad campaign is average at best. But you do have to like when the guy slips the Sniglet-like “traveshamockery,” into the debate. Do you realize how many traveshamockeries there are currently being perpetuated on common folk like us?. . . Case in point: What makes ESPN think that a nice gift to give me for my 25 years of loyal viewer-ship would be a commercial montage of face-painted morons dancing and cheering on Wahoo U. ? This Year of the Fan thing better hit day No. 365 damn soon or I’m switching entirely to the Independent Film Channel. . .Speaking of IFC, you should have seen weirdo-getting-weirder, Quentin Tarantino at the Cannes’ opening ceremonies on Tuesday. He had already “jumped the shark” with the “American Idol” appearance and then fell in the shark’s mouth with a myriad of other bizarre appearances over the last month. But his shout of something sounding like: Vive la Cinema had Howard Dean written all over it. . . Yes, I watched the opening ceremonies, you un-cultured swine! The women wear some serious numbers, trust me. . .So, now that Syracuse is just the Orange, is it safe to call the UMass entrants, Minute? Or in Steve Lappas’s program’s case, Minutia. . . In a show of Syracuse University solidarity, the school’s basketball coach announced he will now answer to “Jim Boe.” The J and the B should also be interlocking, always. . .In other nickname non-news, the Maine Black Bears will now be the Maine Black and the Green Hornet will now go by Green.

Rawhide
I have as much trouble as anyone keeping up with the NESN studio analysts. But it got real strange when Bernie Carbo made it into the rotation between Tewksie and Sam Hornible. . . Tewksie, in Scott’s Shots’ worthless opinion, should be getting more innings, Eck can continue (barely) at his current pace and Hornible and Jim Ed could be used in platooning DH role. Tom Caron saves more shows than he should have to and I fear his back is getting sore from carrying his light-hitting cohorts. . . Credit the NESNers for miking Patriot Troy Brown during his batting cage session on Tuesday. The “Yo’s” and handshakes with Sox players was run of the mill, but the point is someone thought of it, got it done and wound up with a very usable piece for Wednesday night’s pre-game. Creativity breeds creativity, which breeds better TV. . . Just a couple of thoughts on pitching as it pertains to the Red Sox: In retrospect, maybe Curt Schilling could have faced a few AL East opponents during spring training. Maybe get a feel for what it’s like to be roughed up by the Jays?. . . And, I’m no pitching coach, nor do I play one on TV, but does anyone else think the pre-game routine for starting pitchers needs some tweaking? These guys enter the first inning like they were just awoken a turkey-induced, post-dinner nap. . . Mike Giardi of NECN was ALL OVER Terry Francona the other night after Tito made some predictable excuses for Tim Wakefield’s awful outing. It was almost the kind of outrage you get from watching Mark Ockerbloom and Chris Collins for too long.

Between the Lines of Pages
The sports coverage in the June Esquire won’t necessarily make the issue must-read. But Charlie Pierce’s John Kerry profile does. A couple of teases from “The Misunderestimation of John Kerry” : In describing a typical Kerry stop in New Hampshire, Pierce writes, “. . .He shook every hand. He complimented the chili in a way that (quite frankly) the chili did not deserve…” and this simple explanation of Kerry’s pre-Iowa revival doldrums: “In one national poll, Kerry trailed Al Sharpton.” What more needed to be said about the sad state of a major campaign?. . . The issue also includes a way-too dumb for Esqy’s standard’s, Maxim-like Q&A with outlandish Dodgers’ closer, Eric Gagne. Still, there is this of-local-interest Gagne reply to Doug Cantor’s question of “Who’s the best pitcher in the league?” Gagne replied: “Pedro Martinez. He has pinpoint control and a good change-up. There’s a big difference between pitching and throwing; and Pedro can pitch.”

Rants and Raves
The latest Trader Joe’s run netted some nice surprises for all you fellow TJ shoppers: green Chile and cheese tamales wrapped in corn husk are a nice lunch option and the Tamari almonds are soft, but tasty and a good afternoon snack. . . Nutrition’s not really my bag, but food is. . . So if you’ve got any connections over at TJ’s – maybe we can work out an endorsement deal. Or taste-testing, even.
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David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com