By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Rawhide
What losing streak? The Sox had the bye week, right?. . . Let me tell you something about this fellow Peabodian, Jeff Allison, who the AP is reporting left Marlins camp: Tanners don’t run. Although there was that one time at the keggah up by Brooksby when we had to scattah like fallen leaves. Let the kid figure it out in private, ya bloodsuckers. . . You can take the boy outta Peabody, but you can’t take Peabody outta the boy. Bob Dylan said that. . .Remdog’s camera work, showcased during Wednesday night’s telecast, leads us to but one conclusion: As a camera man, Remy makes a fine color analyst. Once again, Don-O was in harm’s way in Cleveland’s cramped booth, especially with Remdog panning right with reckless abandon. I know the insurance issue is a hot topic with Pedro and all, but Don-O might also want to look into some if he’s sharing any more booth space with cameras. Still, despite the adverse conditions, Don-O’s critiques on the “history-making broadcast” were priceless (and even found space on ABC5’s Mike Lynch’s 11 o’clocker) – some of the best Morsels of Orsillo were: “Very smooth,” “Get us there soon“- on a RemDog (too-)slow zoom, and I think the idea is to have someone in the shot.” Remy did not take the criticism well – “Rippin’ my brains out for half an inning of work?” he fun-fumed – until Orsillo took the camera by the horns and showed it’s no easy task. Good TV, that was. . . Tonight (Friday vs. KC) is scheduled to mark the inaugural Scott’s Shots Field Trip, with the SS Winnebago pulling into the TV38 broadcast center to watch Sgt. Friday and the RemDog work their TGIF magic. Secretly, my primary two goals for the behind-the-scenes-fly-on-the-wall-try-not-to-get-in-the-way-of-working-people expedition are: to get an “EXCLUSIVE” interview (ala Sportsplus and Manny last week) with the Doppler Radar weather center; and to finally get to the bottom of the “Is Little Wally Involved in the BALCO Investigation or Not? . Wally’s people have said Wally will not be discussing any “rumors or innuendo.” But I’ve got a few years of classes at the UMass Journalism Department under my belt. The furry little beanybag will be like putty in my hand. And if he doesn’t speak, I’m burning the little monster’s Adirondack chair during the seventh inning stretch. . .I’m stuffing the All-Star ballot boxes with Pokey for VP submissions. That should screw up Bud Selig and the boys well into July. . .I betchya anything, they don’t let me near the Broadcast Booth Babe. They probably “switched her schedule.” Haters.

Have a Holley, Jolly Ca-reer/
Additions to the BSM List
“. . . once the column was finished, so was I. I was out of energy,” Michael Holley was quoted as saying in his former, former, former paper on Tuesday. Do you have any idea how many iron-workers, plumbing contractors and general blue collar workers were dumbfounded by that comment? Not to mention me. Maybe try ginseng and coffee, Mike. It certainly helps me during those damn, draining, energy-sapping days when I’m chasing down three different checks from three different magazines who have already run my stories but not yet found a need to pay me for my services. . . There’s gotta be an old “Farewell, Boston” column still in the queue over on Morrissey Boulevard that can suffice as On-the-Trolley-Holley’s bye-bye to Boston piece. Again. . .I hope Holley has better sense than to hitch his star to Max Kellerman. I, Max could be Bye, Max if it’s as awful as, say something like Fox Sports One. Fortunately with a blonde in a tight blouse, that show gets extended shelf life. Kellerman’s not so fortunately endowed – nor likable. . .

I’m not sure this allowed under the contract I’ve entered into with this site, but if it is, I’d like to give Bruce Allen a big, fat, retroactive raise. His compilation for yesterday’s lunch-time treat contained a who’s who of who should, could and won’t be the Next Holley. Here’s one man’s additional waste of words, considering the pick will wind up being very Globe-centric, mostly safe and very patient - as the current Big Three are fairly ensconced:

So Joe Sullivan has the first sports desk defection of his tenure. Welcome to the Big, Kid. The Sullivan Regime’s early years (and ultimately the latter ones as well) could be defined by whom the Green Boxes’ plug into the No. 4 hole (behind Bob Ryan, Dan Shaughnessy and Jackie Mack). This being 2004, we’re all mature enough to understand the hire will, in all likelihood, be a minority, which Bruce Allen’s list included. Let’s also understand that this town was well-served by Holley’s (sporadic) presence on the Globe’s sports staff. I won’t say I was often bowled over by a Holley column, but I did appreciate his effort and his style was markedly different. That said, there are certainly qualified candidates on the national level (Michael Smith is not ready for this position). It wouldn’t be a bad idea to try and poach from the ESPN or SI pool of 30-something talents. For years, those publications have looked to the newspapers, why not shake things up a bit, Sully? Turn the tables. Steal a next generation guy from the weeklies. I don’t know who that person is, but I could find him if I had to. I know, I know – it doesn’t work that way. But all I’m saying – and what I tried to emphasize in Monday’s advice column to Sully– was you need to think outside the traditional Green Box. Newspaper columnists should be evolving right along with the Internet – this is your chance to blaze that path. And let’s face it, you’ve probably got most of your salary cap bogged down with Danny Boy and the others. This has to be an up-and-comer spot, someone who will grow with the position, but knows what that means. Someone who gets it. . I do tend to get a bit melodramatic about all this don’t I? If I can’t get hired, I might as well bitch about who should. Bob Dylan said that, too. . . Actually, this is as close as the Intrepid Ink Stained Followers League (IISFL) comes to offering Hot Stove action. . . Change, by the way, in this particular instance, could be a very good thing – especially if a bunch of openings start dominoing. . .Well, lastly here are the Scott’s Shot’s Mel Kiper Jr.’s Jeff Sagarin’s Psychic Friends’ Top Four Available Regardless of Race, Sex or Natural Writing Hand (No true order) :
Charlie Pierce: My guess is Charlie could never be fully weaned off the long, magazine-style pieces. And I think he enjoys branching out to politics and beyond (as he should) – not to mention the Globe Magazine gig seems to be getting a whole lot better. But this isn’t about you, Pierce. This is about us, the readers. The Globe Sports Desk Needs You, Charlie!
Adrian Wojnarowski: I already glowed radiantly about Woj this past Monday. And Bruce smartly put him on his list as well. Woj is the closest thing to a Gary Smith in Major Dailies Land. (Smith still tops all - his Tom Pappas, Decathlete story from February? I have an electronic copy of it - I’m happy to email it to everyone who might have missed it. Well worth it.)
Dan Wetzel: DISCLAIMER. DISCLAIMER. Yahoo! Sports’ lone National Columnist, Wetzel is my closest friend in the business. We’ve collaborated on work and worked on collaborating for better parts of nearly 15 years. Jameson has been used when necessary. He’s just good people. But putting all that aside, there’s no one who would be better in this spot, at this time, than the Norwell-bred, BC High-fed, award-winning writer and book author. He has the Bulldog intensity of Will McDonough or Ryan and the keen observer’s perspective (and humor) of Gerry Callahan. He does investigative with the same deftness as he reveals the absurd – (witness the media-see-media-do path he blazed to Bracketville, TX during this year’s Final Four). And think of it this way: Wetzel already has more readers in a day, than the Globe reaches in a week.
Bill Simmons: I said this list was in no order. I lied. This should be the No. 1 free-agent on the board (EVERYone is a free agent, remember) “The Boston Sports Guy” needs to come home. He needs to save the newspaper he grew up with. He needs to call Dad and say, “I’m coming home, Pops,” and have Dad say, “Who’s this?” He needs to admit that Jimmy Kimmel sucks. And so does Jimmy Kimmel’s uncle and the whole amateur-hour cast he employs. How the show survives is a modern TV marvel. He needs to do it for the sake of Leigh Montville and he needs to do it in the name of McDonough. He needs to do it so Danny Boy can see up close and personal what happens when passion, energy and vim meet talent head-on. He needs to keep his ESPN connection but lose his horny-for-Hollywood itch.
If it were Red and The Celtics, you know you would do it. It’s Sully and the Pressmen, Sports Guy. They need you. The Garden’s rafters are echoing: “Bill-eeeeee, Bill-eeeeeee, Bill-eeeeeeee.” Oh no. That’s Fenway and it’s “Bill Lee.” But you get the point. We ALL need you.

Hoops
First off, I completely respect the way Sebastian Telfair gave everyone in basketball a lesson in deal-making. Not only is Telfair considered a first-round gamble, he’s an incredibly undersized prospect with an iffy outside shot. But, it being the 21st century and all, Telfair rode the hype machine all the way to a pre-pro-dribble deal with adidas. But don’t let me tell you the story, take a look at ESPN the Mag’s Pete Thamel’s account from ESPN.com on Wednesday. Thamel’s gotten love from this space before but his account of the “Bassy” circus at, of course, the ESPN Zone in New York was just the kind of writing you get when the author takes a minute to step back, breath and look at the whole scene.

Trending
This whole Spiderman/MLB confluence has me asking many questions to no one in particular: Would Spidey be allowed to use his Spidey senses and his Spidey web-making ability to patrol the Wall at Fenway? Since Spidey wears pajamas all day and MLBer wear pajamas all night, what exactly would Spidey wear for a day-night doubleheader? Can you imagine the cobwebs in the Fenway clubhouse with this guy on the 25-man roster? Can an arachnid even be counted against the 25-man roster? Wasn’t the scouting report on Peter Parker – good field, no hit, shaky make-up? Does this mean Batman’s coming out of retirement? . . . CSTV, the all-college sports network that is, I’m convinced, based on the concept of College Sports Magazine (another glossie I helped kill), signed Emeka Okafor as a celebrity spokesman for the fledgling network. Mostly, I just like using “fledgling” in a sentence. It could very well be a genius move if Okafor performs well in the NBA.

Pokey for VP
Our thanks to special, secret, Kerry/Pokey ’04 correspondent Gordon Edes for his revealing look at the Pokester for NESN’s SportsPlus. Gordo showed, in vivid detail, what Pokey’s upbringing was like and was able to paint the picture of a man who has not only felt your pain, but experienced it. We might just have a position in the White House Press Corps for you Mr. Edes. How would you feel about a makeover to resemble Helen Thomas? Wolf Blitzer? We’ll talk at the DNC. . . Pokey’s pop at the plate is coming around too, wouldn’t you say? This guy’s gonna be bigger than Perot’s guy: Admiral Stockdale was it? I can’t remember mother’s day, but I can remember freakin’ Stockdale.

The Majic of Rick
ESPN was able to grab Rick Majerus off the Hawaii shores for long enough on Tuesday to introduce him as it newest college basketball analyst. Beyond the expected fat jokes and some dribble-drabble from ESPN Honcho Mark Shapiro, Majerus was, as always engaging and blunt. He’ll be worth serious viewing come November. More relevantly, Majerus said this about his former player and fellow Marquetteian, Doc Rivers: “He’s getting into a tough situation, but it’s where he wants to be. He’s just not a broadcaster right now, he still wants to coach. Doc is a class guy. He’ll have a plan and it will take him some time. If you don’t like playing for Doc Rivers, than there’s something wrong with you.”. . . Just one more Doc Rivers thing, before we dismiss the class: When Doc Jack got the (mis)information about personnel decisions from Doc Rivers, where exactly was Doc Jerry Punch or Doc Quinn, Medicine Woman? And who was sitting at the Doc of the Bay?

Rants and Raves
And to think, if I had just stayed closer with Whitey, I could have had Jack Wilson’s approaching-400K-per-annum Prez’s gig at the alma mater. . . I spent the better part of the week trying to get Kate Beckinsale to confirm the inspiration for Van Helsing was Vaughn Eshelman. Van damn her. . In my constant effort to make you a well-balanced reader, I need to recommend weekly reading of USA Today’s Tech columnist, Kevin Maney, the rare biz/tech writer that brings his words to life with humor and skill. In the interest of full-disclosure (a time-honored tradition, dating back to earlier in this column, at Scott’s Shots) Kevin’s brother, Scott, used to live with Cousin Bill at Syracuse and he was one of my Faegan’s Mentors during my undergraduate days as an Orange-slicer. I also seem to recall an incident where he scraped me off the floor at Harry’s. None of which has anything to do with the fact that his brother can flat out tell a story. . .Anybody know when Friends wraps up the season? Are Tom Selleck and Julia Roberts ever going to get together? I knew Norm was going to have the baby the WHOLE time. And Cliffy WAS the dad. . . Enough. Stop the madness. Enjoy the weekend.
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David Scott lives in a seaside shanty in Hull. He can be reached at: david@bostonsportsmedia.com