By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Sunday Night Shows
In a lead-up to NECN’s 11 o’clock Sports Latenight, Chris Collins plugged his line-up for the evening with a mention of guests, Jim Corsi and Jeff Allison. The venerable Tom Ellis took the toss from Collins and managed a friendly: “You always come up with interesting guests.” Collins aw-shucksed it a bit and said “I try.” Last night, he succeeded on many, many levels.
First off, understand that his Allison TV exclusive might make ultimately make Collins more popular in Marlins-country than here in Red Sox Nation, but just the same it was a sign of Collins’s persistence, if not his hometown (they both, and this space as well, were reared in Peabody, Mass.). Collins, you may recall, tried for the Allison interview a few weeks back, when the story of Allison’s peculiar departure from the Marlins was still relatively hot. It sparked up a bit again this week with Allison’s attendance at a Peabody baseball game, where he said close to nothing. But last night, Allison, 19, poured forth with Collins, his fellow Peabodian, who has known the (supposedly) gifted pitcher since he was 14.
Last year, around this same time, Collins was given unfettered access to Allison’s MLB Draft Day signing with the Marlins. Using portions of that piece to introduce last night’s sit-down, Collins was able to outline the story of how 365 days and 1.85 million dollars can go a long way toward ruining a young man’s life.
In-studio at NECN with Collins were Allison and his former high school coach, Ed “Niz” Nizwantowski. As Collins had promised throughout the night, the entire package was “candid and very, very intriguing.” It might not go down as young Allison’s finest TV moment, but for Collins it was resume reel material-plus. He continued pressing, probing and prying at Allison’s spotty story. In fact, at times, the chat felt more and more like an intervention session with Dr. Melfi than the Sunday night sports TV fluff we often suffer through. Allison offered up equal doses of remorse, resentment (he doesn’t seem to agree with some of the Marlins’ decisions on his “program”) and, at least for this viewer, some doubt about whether Allison truly, truly understands what his problem was and what it could still be. The appearance was definitely meant to clear the air on a lot of rumors and innuendo, but unschooled as he is, Allison was not a convincing witness on his own behalf.
Allison did admit to failing a Major League Baseball drug test for marijuana; as well as acknowledge his widely-speculated use of Oxycontin, yet there was still a sense Allison might not be entirely free and clear of the chain of events which have so far, landed him on an un-paid leave and an estimated loss of at least $200,000, according to Allison.
He’s still a kid, after all, and he shows signs of placing blame on others and misunderstanding how a minor celebrity can have major enemies – even on the North Shore of Boston or on the southern shore of Riviera Beach in Florida. “I feel like I’m 35,” Allison said. “There’s a lot of negatives in this business. I knew what I was getting myself into. I have grown up in one year. I think I’m going to pull out of this on a positive note.”
Collins did, however, straddle a fuzzy line to conclude the interview and went a bit overboard in wishing Allison luck. CC splashed down, at least partially, into the dreaded Lecture Lake: “If I was you, I would really commit to whatever (the Marlins) want me to do. . .,” Collins said, nodding to Niz for support. “I can’t imagine a better life than that of a major league baseball player – they have it awfully good. Get back to baseball soon.”. . .
Let’s also credit Collins for wisely saving the segment for the 11:25 slot (post-Gentle Jim Corsi) in order to try and steal some thunder from the CBS4 and NBC7 offerings, which both begin with their respective 11:20ish sports report. . . Brookline Bob Kraft (no relation to My Buddy Paulie Brookline) and the Super Bowl Boys were all over the Sunday night tube showing what Kraft is calling a “Six stool ring” – meaning it can be spotted from six bar stools down. This leads to the logical presumption that if, if ever, if and when, if, if, the Sox ever do IT, they’ll be getting a “Dozen-stooler”. . . Excuse me a moment, all this stool talk and I need to go see a man about a horse. . . How did Ty Law get past Kraft security and into the red-carpet event?. . . Better still, how’d 4’s Steve Burton get in? He over, overdid a ring-envy piece from Kraft’s front yard. . . Joe Amateurino had Christian Fauria on Sports Xtra, who said the ring party was “warm and fuzzy and, depending on what you were drinking it could have been even more warm and fuzzy.” Oh good, booze jokes from a bozo who could (should) be on the scrap heap soon. . .Babbling Bob Lobel was live at Fenway for Sports Final with Burton in-studio. BB stammered through some Pokey ramblings before introducing a spring training piece from Dan Roche, where Pedro explained his release point. Trust me, the Oxycontin talk on NECN was much more riveting. . . Wendi Nix was also live from Fenway and filed a PokeyMania story, which of course, will also go on the promotional DVD. . . Someone named Dave Briggs, the new guy at 7, had a Mike Vrabel story about his Ohio State graduation which precluded the linebacker from attending ring ceremonies in Brookline. Briggs is nothing without Stratton, believe me. . .Perhaps preparing for the inevitable failure of FOX Sports Net’s horrific “I, Max,” Exhausted Michael Holley saddled up next to former Green Box teammate, Michael Smith, on the Xtra set. Holley is now using the tag of “Author, co-host of ‘I,Max’” Author, we’ll buy. Co-host is a stretch. He’s the third of three pseudo-TV personalities who share time lamely attempting to best the super-phenomenal PTI, or at the very least, match the very average, Around the Horn. They fall miserably short of the latter, and infinitely (and forever) short of the former. Which places them somewhere below the ‘GBH auction on the excitement and entertainment meter. . . No disrespect to the public TV folk. I’m all for the arts. Art Shell, Arthur Rhodes, Arturo Gatti. Whoever, really.

Hoops
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I love Ben Wallace the way Tommy Loves Waltah. . .Strangely, Stuart Scott’s first post-game question last night to Wallace on ABC was about how to stop Shaquille O’Neal. Now, I understand Shaq had 36 and 20, but the Pistons just went up 3-1, Stu. Get off Superman’s jock and recognize the real story, or leave the post-game to the people who do it all year long. . .Let’s put it this way in the case of Bearcat Bob Huggins: he and his athletic department moved swiftly and got the story buried during a semi-busy summer sports weekend. Nice work. Crisis management at the collegiate athletic level is usually done best, unfortunately, at the places with experience in the manufacture of bad news. Let’s just say Cincy has seen a few police blotters. That’s the media-handling side. Here’s the personal side: I’m a Huggins guy, mostly because of the Parcells he has in him. His guys always, always play hard. Sometimes, the coach plays a bit too hard himself – a fact not unknown in college hoops circles. He’s not an orphan in the world of adult-beverage-consuming coaches, I assure you. I’m gonna guess that with Huggs, it’s not going to happen again. Not that we’ll know about, anyway. . .I think I speak for all of us when I say, it’s a lot easier to watch Larry Brown lose on the court than it is to hear him win in the post-game presser. . .That was especially for you, Adrian Wojnarowski – I know how these developments must be affecting your enjoyment of the Finals.

A Valued Reader’s Mother
We all know that in my life, there can only be one The Shirl – the woman who birthed me over three decades ago and has nursed me ever since. However, late Friday afternoon I was able to find room in my heart for The Myrn, Myrna, the mom of a valued reader who put a comment of mine from Friday’s missive, into its proper context and rightful place: “I felt compelled to write,” The Myrn’s shayna tatallah explained. “As a woman, let me say, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar (cliche often spoke by my Mom, The Myrn, a.k.a. Myrna). The JAP’s of whom you speak might end up with a wayward writer who isn’t as bitter. Just a piece of friendly advice.” Point well taken. Now onto the serious stuff, we need a marketing plan because book publishers will be lining up soon for “The Myrn and The Shirl: Laying It Down Old School.” Someone call Oprah, immediately.

Pirates and Tanners, Oh My
I’ve never been a huge fan of those moments when your past meets your present. It usually needs to be under ideal conditions within a controlled environment. Or maybe that’s mushroom-eating, I’m thinking of. Regardless, this week brought pride and joy to Scott’s Shots when both the Hometown Nine (Peabody) and the Adopted Town Nine (Hull) captured division, sectional titles on Saturday. (As a courtesy to our friends at the MIAA, we will go above and beyond and let you know that both will play in this week’s state semifinal games on Tuesday. Check local listings for times and places.) Yellow Boxer Steve Buckley may have the market on high school baseball nostalgia, but for one weekend anyway, Scott’s Shots was part owner of school boy history. So, Back Off Buck!. . . Scott’s Shots found the entire Lowell Spinner and Ed Nizwantowksi theatrics a bit silly, but if there’s one thing Niz knows how to do, no matter which sports team he’s leading, it’s motivate. Been doing it that way for years. Nice touch by the kids (and fans) to wear the “Niz” shirts and the like. . . A proper Herald headline knock-off off a classic New York tab’s doozie, could have been: “Nobody Beats the Niz.” But the sports section’s Sunday back page of “Dedicated effort” was also poignant. However, and I’m not in a habit of getting into the nitty gritty of cub reporters’ duties (other than Danny Boy’s, of course), the Globe’s Christopher L. Gasper managed a full sidebar WITH Niz quotes, including a monster swipe at the MIAA. The Herald’s usually dependable strong>Dan Ventura was left with using “eyewitness reports” of Niz receiving cellphone updates from two blocks away (from the stadium). Gasper had Niz one block away and apparently spoke with the Tanner Legend after the game. Scoreboard now reads: Globe and Gasper the Friendly Reporter - 1; Herald and its high school sports coverage - 3,045. . . So shoot me – I took the time to dissect four high school sports stories and analyze the coverage. What’d you do? Watch “America’s Funniest and Most Disturbing Home Injuries?”

Shaughnasty
This heading is too easy when Danny Boy serves up a rag ball like Sunday’s Tito tirade, “Soft serves from good-humor man.” DB might have actually used an old Pete Carroll column template for the Tito-bash, but that would give DB credit for actually going to the effort of scroll through some old files. Instead, he suggested “(Francona) is our new baseball Pete Carroll who “won’t say anything negative about any of his players.” It led to a make pretend, imaginary world where DB was able to bring up past transgressions of Red Sox past and present. Oh boy, Danny! Since we’re playing make-pretend, can we also imagine a time when you try and put a fresh spin on something?. . . What was even better about the whole waste of Sunday space, was the last graf where DB wrote: “And that’s just Terry being Terry. All pumped and jacked. And don’t we all wish we had a boss like this?” Seems to Scott’s Shots that you have had at least two bosses, exactly like this: you continue to offer mediocre copy for top newspaper dollar, and those goofy Green Box Gurus continue to package and sell it to an under-served public. . . Here’s just a partial list of the former Sox DB was able to dig up for Sunday’s weak effort, even though, as far as we can tell, not one of them has played for Francona this year, and therefore had nothing to do with Saturday’s game: Gene Conley, Ted Williams (whom DB knew personally, if you never realized), Carl Everett, Jim Rice, Oil Can Boyd and Roger Clemens.

Pokey for Vice President
The People’s Choice for Vice President had a strong, strong weekend, despite a widely-circulated poll that suggests John Edwards would be John Kerry’s most attractive running mate. Adam Kilgore’s “Fans sold on Reese,” article from Friday’s Globe was just the kind of coverage Pokey’s Peeps hope will follow The Poked One out West for two large campaign stops in Denver and San Fran. Kilgore reported both the “Pokey” and the “Reese” No. 3 tees were doing gangbusters at Twins Enterprise. . . Pokey’s bumper sticker line form the piece came in the story’s last graf. Sounding eerily similar to the defiant George Dub upon his initial Ground Zero visit, Pokey said of his appreciative legions: “I can hear them.” And soon, Pokey, you will hear the nation. . . ESPN’s Jon Miller immediately gets on the Pokey promotional DVD with his stupendous call of the second baseman’s trampoline- leap-of-a-catch off Dave Roberts, to end the top of the 7th last night. “I don’t think Shaq could have gotten any higher for that one,” Miller delivered. “WOW! Looked like he was auditioning for the Cirque de Soleil.” Nope, just the President de Vice. . .The chants of “POKEY, POKEY, POKEY” were chilling – and will be even more so inside the FleetCenter come DNC-time.

Between the Lines of Pages
Methinks, perhaps, the magazine folks are trying to tell us something by having the July Esquire and the June 21 ESPN the Magazine arrive in the Scott’s Shots mailbox on the very same day. Esquire’s cold, stony gaze of Sheryl Crow’s chief canoodler, Lance Armstrong, made the semi-glare of ESPN’s pixie stick, coverboy and NBA-bound, Dwight Howard, seem like an all-out, full-tooth smile. Put it this way, Shaq’s ankle looks to be about twice the diameter of Howard’s waist. Not only that, but Armstrong looks like he could probably pedal with one foot and kick Howard’s ass with the other. . . and still win a stage or 10 of the Tour de France. . . Dan Patrick does his erratic Outtakes in the issue with Doc Rivers, reminding us that the promotion of ABC personnel is usually best handled by ESPN personnel. Rivers offers up very little, except for this, which someone might want to clip and save for later use: “. . . I hated the Celtics all my life until about a month ago. Now I love ‘em. I mean, if you told me I’d be working with Danny Ainge, I would have said you’re crazy.” Instead, many in the Boston now think Rivers is crazy. Oh, and Doc also says he looks terrible in green. . . The Esquire cover was actually shot at Crow’s house in California and the two are pictured in a pool that appears to be the size of Natick. Tough life that singing and pedaling can be.

Rants and Raves
I’d like to kick the Vehix guy myself. Why should the little kid get all the joy?. . . Kevin Millar’s KFC commercial that’s currently running has potential to stand up as the all-time worst local endorsement spot of the last 20 years. He licks his fingers like there’s rat poison under his nails. . . The new, HDTV-friendly ESPN sets make me nauseous. Can’t we just go back to a card table and a wrinkled ESPN banner stuck to the wall with duct tape?. . . Every Sunday night, after all the neighbors are asleep, my ESPN2 starts talking Spanish to me. I’m hoping it happens to other people as well, or else I need to cut back on the Lipitor or something . . . SporTVoid’s Bill Griffith can thank his pal, Chris Collins for taking up the Scott’s Shots space that was originally dedicated to skewering Griff’s Sunday column. Let’s just say it might has well have been penned by the ever-bubbly Kathy Connors or a co-worker over at the NBC Sports PR department. Dick Ebersol might have had final edit, for all we could tell.
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David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com