By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Rawhide
Does all this mean Barry Bonds won’t be speaking at the DNC now?. . . It might just be me, but I sensed a sliver of hope that Barry BALCO believes Boston could be berry, berry good to him. But that could be me projecting, I suppose. . .Nice work by Gordon Edes in getting to San Fran a day early and luring Bonds into some provocative statements. . . Dirtydoggiesdotcom.com might be reporting that Curt Schilling’s ankle MRI also revealed a slight hole in Nomar’s head, which goes a long way in explaining what Mr. Hamm was thinking PR-wise. . . Ken Griffey, Sr. wasn’t mentioned anywhere in the BALCO papers was he? He should have sold ad space on his chest during Junior’s run for 500. . .Game Over Eric Gagne is sure impressive to watch – especially when he does it against the Yanks. . . You got the feeling Jerry Trupiano wasn’t one bit impressed by Barry Bonds’ act. Troop also touted Garth Brooks’s new CD, which reminded me of my Old UMass Roommate Kev who would play “No Fences” no fewer than 30 times before heading off to Time Out or Delano’s. All the while, he would scream “GARTH” in the meanest, drunkest tone you’d ever heard. It was scary, to say the least. “Blame it all on my roots/I showed up in boots/And ruined your black tie affair.”. . .If it was good enough for Kev, it’s evident that Troop knows good music.

Sunday Night Shows
Red Sox Player Development Consultant Dick Berardino is improving weekly with Dan Roche on “Red Sox This Week,” by showing an ability to shrink his thoughts into manageable bites. He might even want to spend some more time in the team’s broadcast center as a roving instructor for some of the NESN studio analysts. Sorry, Sam. . . Rochey had a one-on-one with Pedro from earlier in the week in Colorado. The fickle Dominican (Pedro, not Rochey) pledged his allegiance to the Sox in no uncertain terms after Roche said: “If you want to clear the air (regarding his much-discussed April 30 interview), go right ahead.” Among the things Pedro said were that he didn’t mean to be a distraction to the team, that he hasn’t disqualified the Sox from his choices for next season and, he said, “I’m actually thinking I’m going to stay here. I’m going to do whatever possible to stay in Boston. I’m a Bostonian.” Roche closed the segment with his own personal odds (who is this guy, Neumie?) on the Big Four Big Board: Pedro is even money, 10-1 on Varitek, 15-1 on Lowe and 20-1 on Nomar. . .Roche and CBS4 need to be careful on what they use for RSTW and what gets tossed into the Sports Final mix. At times, the shows are indistinguishable, which makes for repetitive TV. . . NECN’s Chris Collins had former Yankee 3rd baseman, Medford Mike “Pags” Pagliarulo and his Hollywood looks for his Sunday Sports Latenight guest. It was, at the least, refreshing to hear the perspective of a past big-leaguer who understands baseball seasons are not determined by one game on one day in mid-June. . .The other greatest Medfordian of the past 20 years is UMass trainer Ron Laham who taught me long ago about the importance of getting your liquids replenished through the use of Gator Load. . .Sports Final with Babbling Bob Lobel live at Willowbend in Mashpee was delayed on CBS4 because of “Cider House Rules.” Which was a complete injustice because you didn’t even get to see Charlize Theron’s fabulous buns of silk in the edited version. . . SportsXtra had some early technical difficulties with Wendi Nix’s piece from Pac Bell. Included near the end was this gem from Mike Timlin to a rabble-rousing TV guy who asked if the Sox were devastated by yesterday’s loss: “It takes a lot to devastate this team.” And this fandom, it should be noted. . . Joe Amorosino welcomed in Howard Bryant and Danny Boy, who was able to deftly use the word “goober” to get giggles from his table-mates. . .Nix filed her “Xtra time with Tito” from Pac Bell showing a run-down Francona struggling through the convo with a frog in his throat. . . NBC7 newcomer Dave Briggs had an ill-timed interview with NHL Rookie of the Year and Bruins goalie, Andrew Raycroft. Hockey’s a tough enough sell during the season – in June it’s absolutely ignorable. . . Sports Final’s Steve Burton caught up with Joe Theismann at the Willowbend Children’s Charity event and Theismann managed to interview himself pretty well. “I was a horrible human being,” Theismann said at one point. “I was Joe Theismann, football star. The injury saved me from what I think was a downward spiral spinning out of control.” Theismann said he has never seen the video of his hit from 19 years ago when Lawrence Taylor ended his career. Burton also nabbed Dr. J and got some insight into the famous photo (usually available at most Building 19 stores) where J and Larry are literally at each other’s throats. (Lobel said it was during a pre-season game at the Garden for which he was in attendance.) Upon being shown a blow-up of the classic pic, Erving said: “We both pledged not to dignify the picture by autographing so don’t ask me to do that.” Doc then revealed he and Bird “made up” a week later at a Converse photo shoot. . . Ahhh, Converse. . . Lobel was especially babble-awful at the late, late hour. . . Lenny Clarke interrupted Burton’s interview with Bobby Orr by displaying a rant of the LOUD variety. But, as Lobel indicated, Orr had the best line when he deadpanned, after a few moments of Lenny’s Shtick: “You’ve got to come out of your shell.”. . .Scott’s Shots sincerely hopes you appreciate that we stayed up a full hour later than usual to bring you the comedic ramblings of Clarke and Orr, as well as Lobie. No one cares more for their readers than this very space. I assure you of that.

The Dimpled Ball
Just remember this okay?: “Tiger” and “slump” can not be uttered so close together as long as he has his Swedish Princess. He’s already won the game of life - now he’s just messing with us all. . .Let me guess, Butch Harmon has a book to sell. Or a TV career to make. Or an axe to grind. . . You can stop searching. We’ve found former CNN annoyance Vince Cellini and he’s as annoying as ever in the employ of The Golf Channel. Only now, Cellini is about 12 shades darker – think George Hamilton with a dark orange tinge. Hardly alone is awfulness, TGC also used the analysis of New Zealander Frank Nobilo , who has a stammer in his brogue – never a good thing. There was the impressive Kelly Tilghman’s, who showed the same control and poise that Sam Ryan displayed last night on ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball. Ryan will be the next Michelle Tafoya. And if you think I know what that means, you’re mistaken. . .So much was made of the 7th at Shinnecock, I tuned in just to see if someone might slip and break an ankle. Truthfully, anything the USGA can do to make my putting look not-so-comical is fine with me. . . Jimmy Roberts and Jeremy Schaap always seem to be trying to convince me that THIS IS THE MOST SERIOUS GOLF STORY EVER TOLD. . . Chris Berman was noticeably subdued and respectful during ESPN’s weekday coverage. Thus answering the question, what on earth can quiet Chris Berman down? Golf.

College Hoops
Two excellent transactions in the world of college ball appeared in some of Friday’s papers. First and foremost, Drexel’s Bruiser Flint continued his streak of GREAT hires, when he landed former-Iona assistant, Tony Chiles. Bru, who lost the rising Chuck Martin to St. John’s, managed to grab Chiles, one of New York’s most-connected guys, and at the same time, keep the staff’s good humor level at an above-average number. If you weren’t already rooting for Bru’s Dragons, you need to be now. With Geoff Arnold, Mike Connors and the Man of Several Titles, Brian Gorman, Bru will continue to win games and have fun doing it. Scott’s Shots promises an in-season, all-access look into the Days and Nights of the Dragons. . . The other good piece of news was the resignation of embattled Missouri associate head coach, Tony Harvey. In addition to being a fall guy for Dukey Quinny Snyder (deservedly so it would appear), Tee Harvey also holds the distinction of being the pompous lounger in the coaches’ Final Four hotel lobby a few years back, who refused an after-hours beverage because he was holding out for champagne. Scott’s Shots had gone to a lot of trouble to get the adult beverages we were offering and it left a bitter taste that this bozo was somehow above the quaff. Fortunately, we don’t hold a grudge. Much.

Between the Lines of Pages
It’s got to be tough to keep the Hartford Courant sports page a afloat during the times of no actual college hoops action. The Courant sort of has that feel of downtown Hartford on those nights when the Civic Center is dark – empty and a bit sketchy. However, we were treated, during our jaunt to the Constitution State, a day of superb New Britain Rock Cats coverage from the (hopefully rapidly) ascending staff scribe, Gary Gramling. Here was his lead from Friday’s gamer: “A lot of offense and a lot of rain couldn’t help the Rock Cats overcome Boof Bonser’s poor outing.” You know the writer’s going to be good when he pounces on the chance to include a fella named Boof in his grab-ya graf. G-Squared deserves a big league call up pronto. . . Yes, Gramling is the brother of super-editor Scott Gramling, at FHM. In fact, the whole family is wildly talented, led by the inimitable dad, Larf. Once you’ve said Larf, you’ve said it all. Of course, saying Boof has that same effect. Boof.

Of Nutmeggers and Billboards
It would have to be a rare retirement fete indeed where the audience wanted more of not one, but two of the evenings speakers. Such was the case at Aunt Esta’s Hartford public school retirement party Friday eve at Indian Hills Country Club in Newington. The emcee was a principal from Batchelder by the name of John P. Laverty, who goes by “Lav” but should be called “Laugh.” As in laugh riot. Walking on, falling over and eventually erasing the line of good taste, Lav kept things lively, entertaining and moving. . . I must stop here for a moment and point out that I’m bringing you play-by-play from a retirement dinner at this particular junction of the column. This leads to the question of WHY? In light of that very valid query, I’ll stop. . . Emeka Okafor’s head looms large over Route 84 in Hartford. It reads: “UConn. It’s Amazing.” Young Percy the Dog peered up and asked. “What happened, they couldn’t fit: ‘UConn: It’s amazing our two basketball coaches didn’t kill each other during the post-title celebrations?’” Good Doggie. . . There was also the delightful encounter with West Hartford Mayor Jonathan Harris, a close, personal friend of Cousin Davey Tampa. Harris doesn’t kiss babies, as some politicians have tried in the past, this guy tickles ‘em! And he gets a giggle each and every time. Watch for Harris to quickly ascend to Rowland’s throne once that crook is removed from office. . . Connecticut – what a state – The Governor’s a liar and the hockey team’s in Carolina. . . Boof.

Pokey for Vice President
The road trip didn’t go as well for Candidate Pokey as we had hoped. There was even a late-day rumor from the campaign clubhouse that John Kerry had left Pokey a message suggesting that 2-4 road trips are not going to help the cause. Wally the Green Campaign Manager refused comment. Scott’s Shots is sensing trouble, especially as the John Edwards whispers get louder. . . “Pokey Would’ve Had It” bumper stickers have begun circulating, according to Danny Boy and HowBry. We love that. Good pub for the man. . . Boof.

Rants and Raves
This Victor Conte from the BALCO catastrophe has some chutzpah – his lawyers reportedly sent off a letter in hopes of enlisting the aid of George Dub and/or John Ashcroft. Not for nothing, Vic, but I’m guessing the terrorism thing might take some precedence over a drug-dealing scumbag’s publicity stunt. . .Now that wasn’t very proper was it? I meant to say “slimy, drug-dealing scumbag’s cheap publicity stunt.” My bad. . .You all don’t suppose we’re going to end up with Marv Albert in Boston, do you? I don’t think he’d play well in, say, Pembroke. . . It now appears that Celtics radio broadcasts next season will be heard over two cans and a piece of used string. “And your host for the Celtics pre-game - Barry Feldman from Temple Emunah’s Short Wave Radio Club.” . . . Boof.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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