By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Don’t Rock the Camera
Someone please stop the NESN/Boston Globe SportsPlus/Minus show from moving so damn much. I got seasick watching Babbling Bob Lobel, Kevin (no Paul for TV) Dupont and Nick Cafardo discuss quasi-relevant topics (Yaz vs. Manny? Not yet, please). The NESN creative minds are using quick cuts and a hand held (or a drunk with a hand held) to make the show more, ah, hip? Nauseating? Dizzying? Let’s say we focus on getting pertinent topics and entertaining banter from worthy guests before we get all technically enhanced, okay?. . . Dupont stayed with hockey for his “Sound Off” soliloquy and showed improvement, but Cafardo, with wandering eyes, hung his hat on trying to get a Super Bowl ring for the former Pats practice squad player – a story that was relevant about three weeks ago. Not now.

Rawhide
See? DLowe’s not a head case. He’s just misunderstood. . . RemDawg was all giggles from Anaheim last night - maybe the RemParty hadn’t completely cleared the system yet. . .Sox honcho Tom Werner needs to leave the Q&Aing to his gal pal, Katie Couric. NESN dispatched Werner (or, technically, Werner dispatched Werner) to Houston for the All Star game and his interviews with David Ortiz, Curt Schilling and Manny Ramirez aired last night during the pre-game. Tom lacks Katie’s “cuteness factor,” not to mention her legs. He found his calling in producing, trust us. . . If Scooter the talking baseball comes into my living room one more time, I’m calling the cops and reporting FOX to the FCC. . .So Ruben ate Fantasia after the “Star Spangled Banner,” and that’s how he got to sing during the seventh-inning stretch? I’m confused. It looked like Fantasia was gunning to eat Big Rubes. Only on FOX can they over-promote the two most-over-promoted non-talents since Donnie and Marie. . .During last night’s Sox pre-game, Danny Boy second-guessed Tito’s pitching rotation coming out of the All-Star break, pointing out that Pedro will now miss a chance to start against the Yankees. DB even became a bit standoffish with Eric Frede when Frede-o suggested maybe it was more important to get Derek Lowe going in the right direction. It was classic Shaughnasty – his opinion was right and challenging that opinion was not going to be tolerated. Sometimes you wish he’d bring the occasional passion he shows on TV to the page he writes for. . .We distinctly remember speaking with New York Post all-star, Michael Morrissey, during the Scott’s Shots’ Spring Training tour and having Braintree Mike say the only thing that could screw up the expectations for the Houston Astros was Jimy Williams himself. Admittedly, injuries to Andy Pettitte didn’t help the cause, but there’s something about J-I-M-Y’s aura that helps in explaining why an old guy like Jack McKeon won it all last year and why an old guy like J-I-M-Y never will. . . Bob Feller’s Ali comments sounded like they came from an 85-year-old dude that hasn’t heard of the Internet. You can’t go after Ali these days, it’s just not acceptable – nor credible – and not necessary in any way. . . Wow! Look at all ‘em em-dashes, Emma!

Disney Droppings
Alex Flanagan is my new favorite ESPN personality, non Suzy Kolber category. . . “Dream Jobber” Mike Hall has been spotted on the ESPNEWS set and it’s apparent the kid has chops. He’s got humor, delivery and knowledge. Let’s see if they coddle him all year, or allow him to flourish and risk the inherent admission that the “pros” aren’t that far ahead of the “amateurs” in the broadcasting biz. Hall will make his SportsCenter debut next week with a late shift, 1 a.m. appearance. He’ll be huge out west. . . Can it be true that lively Woody Paige is taking a year sabbatical from writing for the Denver Post to be a part of ESPN2’s Mold Pizza show? Do they not get that show in Denver? It would take Woody Guthrie, Woody Harrelson and Woody Woodpecker to make that show even worthy of any viewing beyond 10 seconds. As far as we can tell, Kit Hoover and Leslie Maxie have been put into some sort of morning show relocation program. Probably the same one that houses David Hartman. . . They should just run a loop of “PTI” in the morning on The Deuce and call the Mold Pizza experiment an unfortunate misfortune. . . The ESPYs – I laughed, I cried and I tried to figure out, can I wear lavender like LeBron? Can I?

Mr. Rodgers
Ex-NESNer-non-grata, Coach Bob Rodgers, has been seen filling in for one of the GreGary Glenn Ross fellas on Fox Sports New England and someone needs to get that monster chip of Mr. Rodgers’ shoulder. Every time he mentions the Red Sox, he seems to spit venom. If we’re going to recycle someone in this market, why can’t it be the ever-recyclable, always provocative, Mike Adams? The guy used to get his hair cut on-air, by semi-babes. That’s priceless, really. But, I know, too edgy for Boston. Gag me with a microphone, folks. It’s two thousand and freaking four.

Transaction Action
Very often, the agate type has the day’s most pertinent news – especially when it’s under any sports page’s “TRANSACTIONS” column. To wit, this COLLEGE announcement from Monday July 12’s USA Today: “Bradley: Named Scott Petersen women’s tennis coach.” Do we really want this guy around the women’s team? How did Greta van Susteren miss this one? Is Geragos going to be his assistant coach?. . . I could go on, it’s the iNternet, you know?

Hoops
Just the Celts luck – they draft Weezie Jefferson and POOF! She kicks the bucket last Friday at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. I had Len Bias flashbacks immediately upon hearing the news. . . Pardon? Al? They took Al Jefferson? Was he the guy that used to walk on George’s back?. . . Sounds like “Al’s being Al” during rookie league games. . . With “Al being Al” and “Manny being Manny,” Scott’s Shots is vowing to be Scott’s Shots for the rest of the summer. Guaranteed. . . Kobe has the look of the most miserable millionaire in all of sports.

Rants and Raves
Condolences and all of Scott’s Shot’s warmest thoughts to Charlie Pierce and the Pierce clan, who lost their dear aunt, Mary Ellen Piercethis week. Those who’ve read Charlie’s “Hard to Forget: an Alzheimer’s Story” know what a special lady Mary Ellen was. As Charlie was quoted in the Globe obit, “She was the Irish aunt everyone wishes to have.”. . .Pierce popped in for a visit with NECN’s Chris Collins last night for “Sports Latenight” and was his usual witty, insightful self. Pierce logically assumed Randy Johnson will wind up in Anaheim. I’d tend to agree with that one. . . As one angel leaves (Aunt Mary Ellen), another enters – and so it is that the Marshall Athletic Department – headed up by a Scott’s Shot’s all-time favorite, Bob Marcum – announced this week that Chief of Staff, Jeff O’Malley will now be assisted by Mini-Chief of Staff, Austin Sullivan O’Malley (a nice Jewish boy, we assume), who weighed in at 7lbs., 9oz, and 21 inches on June 24th. “The Thundering Herd will not be allowed to thunder during nap time,” was the first announcement from the honorable Mini-Chief’s office/crib. . . For those keeping score at home, that’s Scott’s Shots second birth announcement this week. The SS Editorial Board is meeting this weekend on whether to start accepting gay engagement/marriage announcements as well. . . How about another of our guys, Peabodyite Gary Gulman, taking down two pretenders in this week’s “Last Comic Standing?” This is who Peabody’s own NECN’s Chris Collins needs to get in for a Sunday night. Gulk, as we once called the man-child, would have great insight into all things Boston sports – even having played football at Boston College, where he jokes his nickname was “Jew.” It’s funny when he says it, I swear. . . It was huge Gulk took down the self-titled “Queen,” Ant, because if there is one thing a Tanner will never suffer, it is defeat at the hands of a guy named Ant. . . No, I’m not watching Reality TV, I’m channel-surfing through the parts where Gulman is involved. I still can’t stand Jay Mohr-on and I’m still as anti-Reality TV as any human. . . Between “I,Robot” and “I, Max” we half expect the next entertainment title to be “I Vey!” Come to think of it, I, Max might be a robot - there’s certainly no brain in Kellerman’s head - not as long as he shoves that show down our throats. . .Yes, I admit it. I’m addicted to ESPN’s “Outdoor Games.” Young Percy the Dog is thinking of entering us next year. Good doggie.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com
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