By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Rawhide
Manny asked, in the top of the 13th: “What SI cover jinx?”. And Miguel Freakin’ Cairo and John Freakin’ Flaherty answered, 15 minutes later, “This one, bee-atch!”. . . Derek Jeter got some major Scott’s Shots respect for the diving catch in the 12th and there should be no one who can call him “soft” now with any conviction. . . .Not for nothing, but the Sox should always play five in the infield. . . Don O was showing signs of the trip to the Big Apple taking a toll on the poor fella. At one point he said it’s been tough to be on the “other side of this.” Imagine if you were wearing the hat and pajamas, Don-O? It’s never as bad as you feel it is when you’re watching from a perch upstairs. . . Tom Caron overdid his “Perfect Storm” analogy on Wednesday night and in Thursday’s pre-game, but he was brutally honest immediately after the 4-2 loss two nights ago. “This one is as ugly as it gets,” said TC. . .My schedule still says we haven’t hit the All-Star break. What’s the panic? Oh, right. The Curse. I always forget about those things that don’t exist. . .Which brings us nicely to:

Shaughnasty
Why even send Danny Boy to The Bronx if the best we’re going to get is; “Toto, we’re not in April anymore.” It’s not too late to bring back Holley, is it? Bye Max can have Danny Boy, straight up, even-Steven. DB and I,M will get along swimmingly - neither will listen to a word the other says and both will turn off viewers quicker than “Gospel Hour.”

Manny Meets the Marquette Man
WARNING! This will be another in the long line of “Charlie Pierce Writes the Crap Out of Story, Yet Again” entries that appear here every three months or so. ChazP’s Sports Illustrated cover profile of Manny Ramirez brought us back to the glory days of the transformed title that once made Thursday mail calls an event. We’re still going to use Bro-in-Lou’s subscription as my on-line access to the once-must-read title and thus continue my boycott of paying for any national magazine where both Seth Davisand Bill Scheftdraw paychecks. Where were we? Oh yes, Pierce. He just sees things most of us don’t and beyond that he takes pride in his craft (direct jab at Danny Boy, just so there’s no pretenses). Try this one on for size from the Pierce Piece: “He (Ramriez) blasphemed the game, is what he did, and then he blasphemed against the Red Sox, which is worse.” Pierce encapsulates Boston’s sports psyche better than any of his so-called peers. Truth is, Ramirez may still not give great quote, but what he did give, Pierce used to its fullest. “The way I am,” Manny says, “that’s my mom. She was never mad, always happy.” You hear Ramirez in that quote and simultaneously you know what’s under the frayed Brillo mop. And lastly, this Scott’s Shots Keeper, which proves even SI can’t harness the college basketball soul of Mr. Pierce. In discussing Damon’s beard-shaving charity event where Ramriez was a witness, Pierce wrote the throng was “the largest group of Boston fans to witness a public shaving since Henry Hill subcontracted out the Boston College basketball team.” . . . There was a time, when that kind of BC put down wouldn’t have been allowed on the Eagle-sacred pages of SI – isn’t that correct Mr. Mulvoy?. . .So I over-praise Pierce. You got a better local guy doing magazine-length stuff? Didn’t think so. It’s warranted.

Tennis
There is still one reason to scan a Bud Collins’ Wimbledon missive (on the ladies, anyway): the guaranteed reference to the revealing attire of one or both of the lovelies competing. . . Wimbledon only seems bigger this year because ESPN now “owns” it. No way ESPN.com would be leading with quarterfinals, banner headlines on the home page’s right-hand side if it were still HBO property. They’re also falling hard in Page 2 love with 17-year-old Maria Sharapova, the soon-to-be, full-on Anna-type beauty (with serious game as evidenced by her finals appearance tomorrow for “Breakfast with the Toothless Brits” on NBC). . .mentioning Sharapova reminds us to credit the makers of Speedminton (a combo badminton/racquetball game this space recently test-played) for hopping on Sharapova’s attractive endorsement early. The product is a quality beach/backyard game of speed and reflexes. Much like its endorser. Or something to that effect. . . All this and product reviews to boot? What a column! Can you imagine what the French would pay for quality entertainment like this? Les Shots du Scott, non?

Radio Waves
WEEI’s executive producer for Red Sox baseball, Chris Eno, needs some recognition for his outstanding pre-game package from Wednesday night. Eno chose the fitting and melodic “Trouble” (from Cat Stevens’ underrated “Mona Bone Jakon” album, 1970) to intersperse sound bytes of the Sox and Testy Terry trying to explain the team’s, ah, troubles. And last evening’s package combined with “Slip Slidin’ Away” wasn’t so bad either.. . Trouble/Oh trouble move away/I have seen your face/and it’s too much for me today/Trouble/Oh trouble can’t you see/You have made me a wreck/Now won’t you leave me in my misery. . . Even the Big O would have to admit that ‘EEI’s whiner line is often way, way overdone. That was again the case at the close of Wednesday afternoon’s show, but even Scott’s Shots needs to admit some of the creative souls are not only comical, but quite creative. Still, we always wonder where it is some of these guys are making their calls from? There’s no way anyone working in a cubicle-setting can be pulling off full-on Grady Little imitations during the work day. . . And one other ‘EEI point: Don’t be killing Dale Arnoldfor tossing softball as Testy Terryduring the coach’s weekly appearance on Dale and Neumie’s cocktail hour(s). Dale plays Good Cop, Neumie plays Bad Cop and the result, nine times out of ten, makes for a comprehensive interview. These regular coach or GM appearances are a tricky thing for ‘EEI and the local TV affiliates, but you could do a lot worse than having D&N on the case during what appears to be the first indications of the phorewarnings the Philly Phans’ had offered on Terry. In the end it will be most interesting to see where Francona felt more media and fan pressure: here or in the City of BLove? For his sake, that question might be best answered sooner, rather than later. He doesn’t look like he can take much more.

Pokey for Vice President
Shame on Yellow Box “The Edge” writer, Beth Teitell for Wednesday’s “That’s the Ticket” column. Teitell is almost always worth the read, but she whiffed like a Bellhorn in her attempt to fill a pool of potential John Kerry running mates. The subhead read, in part: “Kerry needs a People person on the ballot,” and went on to list such non-Pokey-caliber folks as Mary-Kate Olsen (too thin), Dale Earnhardt Jr. (too hick), Dr. Phil (too annoying) and Maria Shriver (too Arnold). Clearly, Cranky Callahan needs to send an inter-office memo regarding Scott’s Shots and its fledgling Vice-Pokey Campaign. Who’s Teitell so busy reading that she can’t check in here, Howard Bryant?

Rants and Raves
This column has tested negative for Hepatitis A, B, C, D and F. We’re still waiting to hear back on E and G-Z. Enjoy your meal. . . Al Sharpton has a reality show slated for the Fall, called “I Hate My Job.” And yet I constantly need to beg magazine editors for assignments. There’s an imbalance there and it makes me ill. . .We won’t be publishing on Monday in honor of our forefathers who fought and won the right for us drink Jamaican Red Stripe and light Asian pyrotechnics off in our hands. See you again next Friday (unless news breaks that begs for Scott’s Shots perspective) – enjoy the Holiday and be safe.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com
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