By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Rawhide
Did NESN’s Don-O re-hit puberty during the Jesus Slide at home plate last night?. . .NESN’s Sounds of the Game (part of the famed Commissioner’s Initiative) is a great addition, but why can’t we get a taste of what Keith Foulke said on the mound after blowing save No. 4? Sounds like another revenue stream for MLB.com: “Sounds of the Game, Uncut aka Sounds of the Game Gone Wild“. . .By the way, this hussy that started this “Guys Gone Wild” ( as featured in the new, bolder Heraloid earlier this week) should be ashamed of herself for taking advantage of innocent young men under the influence of tequila and other poisons. . . Did DLowe say “Mental Gidget?” I love that guy. . .MLB.com’s Ian Browne may be the most underrated writer on the Sox beat. Take a read at last night’s deadline effort posted at 10:51 p.m. . . Nice programming coup by NESN with next week’s “16 in 60″ showing the Sweet 16 best of the season’s first half in hour segments throughout the All-Star break. . . Scott’s Shots call for No. 1 to be, which admittedly would be bold for NESN to agree with, the Jeter Dive loss at New York last week. Fisk’s homer should be No. 2, just for posterity.

Shaughnasty
We’ll give Danny Boy the benefit of the doubt – NOT! – but it seems he pulled a Newsday’s Jon Heyman after a weekend where he called for Nomar to be traded and questioned Derek Lowe’s mental make-up. Does DB SOLELY go to losses? Or is it that he makes wins seem like losses and losses seem like catastrophic failures? Or a combination thereof? (It seems ‘thereof’ is one of those words you should never end a sentence with.)

Black Rubber
You know, this heading works equally as well for NASCAR as it does for hockey, so in a limited time offer, here comes one item on each “sport” just for the swarming legions of Scott’s Shots hockey and stock car fans: Joe Thornton signed with a Swiss team and me and Paulie Brookline (temporarily Paulie Hull while on vacation with His Lovely Wife and Birthday Sweetie, Tandee Brookline/Hull) then see another Bruins puckster going to the Minnesota Wild. “Davey Hull?” Paulie Brookline/Hull says, “Are the Wild in the NHL?” There’s a brief pause. “No, but that Swiss team Thornton’s going to – they’re in the Old Adams Division.”. . . Are the Green Boxers aiming for a new advertising demographic? In the course of three days we go from chewing tobacco (see below) to the Richard Petty Driving Experience. Let me guess, next week we’re going to blow out a three-piece package on Bass Fishing. . . That’s all for “Black Rubber” for another two months or so. Hope you enjoyed its brief return.

Hoops
Scott’s Shots found the darnedest pair of sisters over the Fourth: beautiful, intelligent, sports savvy, sociable and damn fun. But get this, both simultaneously engaged me in a heated discussion of how Kobe Bryant has been wronged and humiliated for what they both believe, is merely case of infidelity. Both, in fact, would wear Free Kobe t-shirts in public without hesitation. And to think, I used to bitch about not finding interesting women in the gin mills of Hull. . .Ten bucks if you can name more than five guys on the Celtics summer roster. No peeking. . .As loyal readers know, Scott’s Shots has a long and running history with the Iona University basketball program dating back to Jeff Ruland’s first season after taking over for Providence’s Tim Welsh in 1998. Throughout the years I’ve been granted unfettered access to the Gaels program whenever I asked for it (and sometimes when I didn’t). This past week saw the Gaels make NY newspaper headlines (broken by Roger Rubin and our guy Sean Brennan of the NY Daily News) when former Associate Head Coach, Craig Holcomb, began the process of challenging what he and his attorney deem to be improper firing practices at the New Rochelle, NY-based school. To add spice to the claim, Holcomb, who is white, and married to a native of Jamaica, brings to light several alleged incidents where he felt the University and/or its hierarchy fostered a racially intolerant atmosphere. No small claims either. With three separate, high-profile boys basketball camps going on (Sonny Vaccaro’s Reebok debut, Nike and adidas), the rumor mill will surely be churning and more stories are sure to follow (not to mention negative recruiting against the Gaels). It bears watching for several reasons, not the least of which is that Ruland is involved in an inter-racial relationship as well. Holcomb, who has never steered me wrong or been anything but up front with me in our five-plus year friendship, is taking a calculated risk by possibly projecting as rabble-rouser to future bosses. All of the Iona allegations come out amongst a back-drop where Iona has been knocked off its MAAC throne by the still-at-Manhattan-and-lurking, Bobby Gonzalez and his exciting brand of Bobby Ball. These are the tales that make for good reading, folks. Please send all book/and or movie right inquiries to Scott’s Shots, care of the address below.

Between the Lines of Pages
If you were asked, without any prior knowledge or viewing, Which Boston paper would show a three-inch, square, color photo of the Boston manager spitting a stream of chaw, above the fold on A1 of the sports section?, would you pick A) The further tabloided and continuing “Boston Heraloid” or, B) The staid, prim and proper Ombudsman-toting “Boston Globe”? Well, on Tuesday the surprising answer would have been the Stan Grossfeld-photographed and written 3-story compilation on chewing tobacco’s dangers, users and victims. . . And here, all the rest of baseball’s cognoscenti has been foolishly focusing on BALCO. Grossfeld’s entire package read like a public service announcement from the anti-tobacco lobby. I’m all for issue pieces, but find a relevant issue that actually affects the game. Millionaires chewing sores in their lips isn’t exactly affecting the overall baseball product in any major way I can think of. I’ll bet you there are more pot smokers and functioning alcoholics on major league rosters than there are chew-addicts. . .Me? I never chewed anything but sunflower seeds and plastic straws. And it’s tough enough keeping my seed spit cup separate from my beer cup – no need to risk drinking regurgitated chew juice for this guy. . . I am continuing, however, the experiment with my Uncle Steve’s old tobacco pipe. I’ve yet to find a blend I like (do they make watermelon or tutti-frutti?) but I am looking quite cerebral on the shores of Nantasket these days.

Radio Waves
All along, we thought Eddie Andelman already owned 1510, The No Reception Zone. . . Gerry Callahan had recommended the Myron Bolitar series from Amherst College guy, Harlan Coben, when we visited last month. Time now to thank Cranky for the intro to the Spenser-meets-Jerry Maguire character and Coben’s breezy-easy, beach reading. I’m starting form the beginning with: “Deal Breaker.” This library card thing is really tremendous. You should try it. . . Since “Spenser for Hire” got its TV shot, Coben’s Bolitar at least deserves a Lifetime movie.

Pokey for Vice President
After a valiant effort, a clean campaign and the beginnings of some Pokey Awakenings, we are sorry to report the Pokester has officially withdrawn his name from consideration for the Kerry/Pokeyticket. Once the New York Post announced the news of Richard Gephardt’s good fortune, esteemed campaign manager, Wally the Green Monster, issued the following statement: “In the interest of keeping a cohesive clubhouse, i.e. the Democratic Party, Mr. Pokey is abandoning his bid to overtake potty mouth, Dick Cheney for the nation’s vice-presidency. Pokey would like to thank Scott’s Shots specifically for keeping this particular heading as a regular feature well past its expiration of humor date. As Scott’s Shots proved, if you believe in Pokey, Pokey will believe in you. Still, We Believe. The Pokester is unsure of his next political move and will take the remainder of the season to ponder the possibilities.”. . .It was also reported in the New York Postthat upon hearing the Gephardt announcement, Pokey said: “At least it wasn’t Nomar, he went with. Or that ambulance-chaser, John Edwards.” Terry Francona later indicated it might have been pitching coach Dave Wallace who said that. And somewhere, Walpole’s Joe Morgan said: “Six, two and even.”

Rants and Raves
Will Farrell hasn’t done this much press without pulling down his pants in his entire acting career. He’s really matured into a serious actor now. . .The new Boston Globe SportsplusBobLobel set could be the very same Merv Griffin set that Kramer saved from the dumpster and set up in his apartment. They clearly couldn’t swing the furniture deal that Fox Sports New England finagled. Those guys have massagers and heated seats. Or maybe that’s just Andy Gresh shimmering, sweating and shaking. . .How long before the former Heraldo resorts to black bars over naked body parts on A1?. . .Scott’s Shots round-the-clock coverage of the 24 Hours of Le Tour de Mans France continues this weekend with weekend producer Rickie Rochester sitting in the catbird seat at Scott’s Shot’s Worldwide Cycling Headquarters deep in the bowels of the SS Broadcast Center. So far, we can report that a few guys fell, some last minute helmet designs cost one team close to Scott’s Shot’s entire career income ($100,000) and that yet even more guys fell (note to riders for next year: stay off the cobble, dopey). I know all this because Al Trautwig is wearing an LL Bean fleece vestie. . . Bob Roll is a biking man’s Gary McCord and has his own (Amazon-posted) “Tour Viewer’s Guide” to prove it. . . If you weren’t aware, The Cyclysm is upon us. Sop put on your helmet and some spandex that wouldn’t fit Barbi. . . Trautwig has done The Iditarod and The Tour - if he wants the hat trick, he can do the Calgary Stampede next. . .Why won’t Norman Chad write back to me? I’m not the psycho stalker I appear to be. And I’m much more friendly that his last wife - he is divorced, right?. . . Not only do I plan on always watching the Outdoor Life Network, even after the pedal pushers are all done, I plan on subscribing to their newsletter. . . Chris Collins of NECN (who had a nice grab with a suddenly happy Celtic camper, Mark Blount phone interview last night) called the Tour “all but over” on Wednesday night. First, how would he know such a thing, and second why would you go out on a limb for a sport that about three people in your viewing audience even care about?

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com
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