For the French Chef in all of us, Bon Apetit!
By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Sunday Night Shows
With NBC7’s “Sports Xtra” on its Olympic hiatus, Scott’s Shots is left feeling quite empty with not even the chance for a cheap, unsolicited shot at Joe Amatuerino or the Testosterone Twins, Ron Borges and Fred Smerlas. Oh, wait. That was a cheap, unsolicited shot in the guise of an actual note. I love my job. . .Still vacationing Chris Collins left the keys to the NECN “Sports Latenight” desk in the hands of Mike Giardi on Sunday night and the G-Man certainly held is own in a lengthy one-on-one “stand-up” with the Giardi-described “affable outfielder,” Gabe Kapler and an in-studio visit from the quiet, but confident, BC Eagle head man, Tom O’Brien. Kapler, 29, said in all candor, “I’ve grown up.” Giardi pointed out what a rarity it is for any athlete to admit such a thing publicly. . . Steve Burton filled in for Babbling Bob Lobel and welcomed Gordon Edes (who got the soft, leather chair to match Burton’s) and Steve Buckley (who got the stiff, leather upright). . . Burton was looking to grill Dale Sveum but Gordo and Buck (for the most part) wouldn’t buy into the manufactured “What do you do with the ‘situation’ at third?” Gordo said “We’re going to ride this out.”. . . Buck’s Game is this Thursday and he’s promising an Oil Can Boyd/Steve DeOssie pitching/hitting match-up within the first two innings. “You’ll have a guy who pitched in the World Series facing a guy who played in the Super Bowl. That’s pretty cool,” understated Buck. Let’s get some Scott’s Shots support for a true Umie over there in the in People’s Republic of Cambridge at Harvard on the 19th, okay folks?. . “Pats analyst” and former center, Pete Brock fawned over the Pats with Giardi for a couple of segments. It filled time but barely much more than that. . .Burton wasn’t done raking the muck whence Green Boxer Mag guy, Charlie Pierce and Yellow Boxer TV guy, Michael Felger assumed the leather seats of honor for some Patriots talk. A semi-heated discussion about the “Back-up QB” issue set Felger afire and if you listened closely, Mr. Underwood seemed to scream for the immediate return of Damon Huard. “The chink in the armor is the back-up QB position. Davey can not throw a four or five yard out, which is a major part of this offensive system.” Cleanly coifed and beard-buzzed Pierce poignantly posed the possibility of a “law of averages Brady injury” (Felger’s words) leading to the Dillon Project (no longer confused with the all-time underrated Joe Perry Project).
With Sports Final’s continual emphasis on “inside” information and veritable minutia, Pierce’s vast talents (of insight and perspective) were mostly wasted in the Pats segment, but he was able to fire off these three Piercing Darts: “Those of us who remember (the Patriots days of) Clown College find all of this remarkable; the horn blows and there everyone goes off to another drill.”
And, “Isn’t (holdout) Ben Watson on the Jenny Craig money plan? He’s losing something like $10 an hour, isn’t he?”
And, lastly, “You know what? They’re having a lot more serious conversations in Miami right now. They’ve got legitimate questions at running back (and more).”. . . Can somebody please get smart and pair Pierce with Mike Adams for a Boston-themed PTI? I’ll produce it NESN, if you fund it. We can do it on the cheap, too. Pierce works for Hawaiian shirts, Adams will take some on-set haircuts and me? Hit me with some Nova lox and a few New York Bagels and we’ll be straight up. . .We’d also throw Gerry Callahan and Bob Ryan into the mix for variety, okay? Oh, and Shaughnasty can be Stat Boy.

Griff Gruff
The whole scene Bill Griffith painted in Sunday’s Globe of the Griff Gruff Family sitting in separate rooms, watching their own show – well, damn it, Griff – you had me at, ‘Hello.’ it was so freakin’ touching. . . There are still these sudden (and far too infrequent) moments when you think Griff is on the very cusp of figuring out what “SporTVoid” could be in the hands of a hip and edgy “new media” guy. But mostly, it’s just run of the mill stuff recycled from the Jack Craig Era.

Remote Controlled
It’s 4:37 p.m. on Sunday and after a chance flip through the ABC coverage of IRL, Wynonna Judd just yelled into my direct face: TWENTY-SEVEN. With a snarl. A nasty, country star/motor sports fan snarl. It seems her brother-in-law races open wheel. Wheel open. Never mind.

Rawhide
Once again, the NESN folks stick Don-O and RemDawg in the Monster seats, and Scott’s Shots is shut out again. I’m beginning to get a complex. The solution, as we see it, is doing a game from the Budweiser porch in right and allowing us to be the beer runner/protector.

Pigskin
Why are Ty Law and Bill Belichick reading from the same script all of the sudden? It ruins the whole dynamic. . .The Kraft Sports Productions team put forth a CBS/FOX/ESPN-level telecast on Friday night, but we have to ask: Did the background design for the one-on-ones really need Ocean State Job Lot shower curtains splashed with red and blue lights? Who’s doing set design for the Krafts, Bed, Bath and Beyond? (Myra will appreciate that, methinks.). . .We know he’s a buffoon and his broadcasting career now consists of “B” and “C” games for the Atlantic 10 Network, but you gotta admit, it’s not the pre-season without The Coach in Black, Jerry Glanville.

Between the Lines of (Internet) Pages (Olympic Edition)
Stop us if you’ve heard this one: Two national columnists are riding back on the three and a half hour bus ride from the most amazing sporting event either have witnessed in a combined 30 years of top-level networking, reporting and, most of all, writing. One turns to the other and says, “Most incredible thing I’ve ever seen – we are talking grown men crying their eyes out in joy.”
Not so funny as the one about the two blondes in the hot tub, eh?
What’s even less funny is the event they witnessed – Iraq’s inconceivable men’s soccer win over Portugal on Thursday – got nothing more than casual attention from the Globe Sports contingent. (The win was only inconceivable until the Iraqis again beat a heavily-favored team yetsreday, (Costa Rica) to advance to the Tournament’s quarterfinals on Saturday).
Granted, it was a long ride to Patras and the only guarantee would be the chance to try and make sports and war seem as similar or dissimilar as the writer desired - (Send me, please!). (In fairness to the Globe - but as condemnation to the American papers covering the Games - our guy on the bus said there were under 20 American writers who made the journey that historic first day. And NBC has seemed to give almost no coverage to the emerging “Story of the Games.”)
Instead, Basketball Bob Ryan gave us a column that could have been written from Boston just easily (pertaining, ironically, to the imminent creation of moments and the inevitability of his missing one or two). No other Green Boxer made the journey. (And yes, we know there is a huge amount of dumb luck intertwined with good new sense, but what exactly is un-newsworthy about a group of athletes freed from oppressive rule who will bring peace to their country in two hour increments from the soccer pitch?)
There’s a few things at work here – first off, there’s at least seven (with a photog) Globe newspaper bodies dedicated to an event best covered by the Internet. SIX staffers – no matter that some are regular newsies – on a nearly three-week excursion to a place as mundane as, say, Hull, MA is going to be costly. Athens? That’s down right exorbitant. Let’s just say it makes it inexcusable that positions are vanishing while poverty is cried by the bean counters and editorial excuse-makers. (No Michael Holley replacement, no Will McDonough fill-in and really, very few “advances” in design, coverage or the philosophy thereof.
Which brings up another point: Who’s making the news calls for the Green Boxers? We assume it’s all Joe Sullivan, but we’d welcome information suggesting otherwise. Ryan, plain and simple, should have been in Patras for the Iraq game – instead on the day when, for instance, USA Today highlighted Mike Lopresti’s “Win brings peace – if only for a moment” column, Ryan delivered his ordinary “Moments to come” missive. Ryan would have shone even if Iraq had lost 6-nil. Please, don’t even get me started on yesterday’s cycling column for the Sunday audience. The Tour de France gave Ryan his full quota of bike stories from here until the end of his illustrious career. Personally, I would have had Bob at the fencing venue, where Keeth Smart, a kid who was going to bring fame to the game of saber (HA!), was defeated soundly. One quote from Smart’s straight-shooting dad, Thomas, and Ryan would have had gold himself.
Lastly (for now), when will some wise newspaperman realize that newspaper coverage of the Olympics is as antiquated as the good old vault equipment (which now somewhat resembles the old bull from “Midnight Cowboy”)? I’m still of the mind that America’s “love of the ‘lympics” has always been over-estimated – or more likely, over-sold to American businesses. The Globe’s true ad pages for Sunday’s ENTIRE 22-page section of Sports totaled just one-full page of “major” ads (Town Fair Tire, Deutsche Bank Championship ticket-beg and a half-page Cadillac SUV spot). The rest of the “advertising” was a quarter-page house ad for Dirt Dogs gear and barely a half page of classified ads. That doesn’t exactly sound like Home Depot is banging on the door begging for two-page spreads.
So if the over-coverage isn’t for advertisers, it must be for the readers, right? But Scott’s Shots asks you – who’s clamoring for more air rifle stories? And if there are people looking for more info on shooter Li Du, aren’t they better served by a boutique air rifle or Olympics site?
You can not convince me that using Olympic coverage methods from even the 1992 Games is the best way to serve your readers.

Shirl on the Olympics
The Shirl has always enjoyed the soap opera component of the Winter and Summer games. Having served for years as a general all-sports authority, Shirl has agreed (telepathically) to offer periodic nuggets gleaned from her off and on viewing: “David, that basketball team ought to hang their heads in shame. Who’s coaching them, anyway? Jerry Tarkanian? They played like they were angry they weren’t getting paid.” The Shirl: Killing Larry Brown and the boys so The Bergen Record’s Adrian Wojnarowski doesn’t have to.

Kerry Gains Key Group
Scott’s Shots proudly receives emails from some the Olympic sports finest PR people. One in particular, press officer, Melissa Fletcher deserves a little special acclaim for letting us know of the coy, vote-getting tactic used by Pokey Reese’s former-never running mate, John Kerry. Kerry, who has yet to miss an opportunity to reach out to a veteran, placed a call to USA Canoe/Kayak’s whitewater slalom, Team Leader, Bill Endicott on Saturday night. According to Fletcher’s release. “Endicott, a former member of the U.S. Marine Corps, works with the Veterans for Kerry campaign. To show his support for Endicott’s current endeavor of leading the whitewater slalom team in Athens, Kerry wished the canoe/kayak team, along with the rest of Team USA, good luck at the Olympic Games.
Kerry asked about the new whitewater slalom venue, which pumps in salt water from the Mediterranean Sea to provide the class 3-4 rapids for Olympic competition. ‘I told him that it is ironic that the smallest country to host the Olympics in 50 years built the best whitewater slalom course in history,’ Endicott said. ‘I was amazed that he took the time to call me, ask questions about our competition and wish us good luck.’”
With the rafting vote all but locked up now, Kerry is expected to go after the all- important women’s wrestling Dads bloc, followed by Gymnastics Moms.

Olympics
Through the traditional and extensive research means which Scott’s Shots employs for every action-packed episode of this space, we have discovered the following to be true: Men’s gymnastics (and in the Winter Games, men’s figure skating) are the only two sports in the world where men get “flustered” as a couple of terrific tunblers did during Saturday Night’s NBC coverage. Ray Lewis, on the other hand, has never – ever – been “flustered.” Not that there’s anything wrong with being flustered. . .The Opening Ceremonies on Friday night helped us to realize that a little Elton John at the Pats opener really won’t be that bad after all. We’d take “Cats” over that over-dramatized, over-budgeted production, for crying out loud. And put on some clothes, would you people? Who choreographed, Janet Jackson?. . the only bit of Greek history self-important Bob Costas omitted during the OC, was where the Gyro originated and who it was that coined the clever Gyro ad campaign, “Just say yeer-o.”. . .I’ve seen more fans show up to Hull Selectmen meetings than some of these venues are drawing? It’s the worst backdrop for sports since the empty, replacement football games at the old Foxboro Stadium. . . Listen, I’ve been on the single, Jewish dating circuit long enough to know that something was amiss when the Israeli contingent entered the stadium on Friday. I’ve gone almost my whole (pathetic, endless) dating career without finding a red-haired, blue-eyed Yiddisha Honey – but there, on Team Israel, in the matter of 10 video-taped seconds were three of the most gorgeous athletes of that very description. Knowing how close the Ireland and Israel teams were in the processional, My Buddy, Paulie Brooklineand myself quickly assumed that a few of the Team Ireland babes must have fallen behind in the marching. . .Speaking of My Buddy, Paulie Brookline, during the flame lighting, his lovely wife, Tandee Brookline rightfully queried: “Is this flame sponsored by Bic or something?”. . .You say Qatar, I say Cutter – let’s call the whole thing off. . . The most confounding part of the ceremony was the ceremonial pratfalls the running actor took while breaking the tape for each of the Olympic years from 1896-2004 (Athens to Athens, and all fall down). Dressed in his spanking new Hulk Underoos, the poor schlep was forced to stumble at war years and by the time he got to present day, it looked as though he might need to be carried to the final tape. . . Shane Hamman’s Allstate spot, where he drops his weight through several stories and ultimately onto a just-parked car in the underground garage. (Sidenote story on Hamman: One of the national magazines that sometimes finds it in their heart (and bank account) to employ me, had asked me to do a series of Olympian profiles. Among the original five assigned was Hamman, widely considered an emerging face-to-be during this Olympics – his marketing opportunities placed him at the “elite” level for the ’04 Games. When the final package was put together (on newsstands now, if you can figure out the mag), Hamman was dropped and instead the other four middle-tier athletes’ features (and photos) were used. Asked why, the package’s very non-sports-oriented editor said, “He wasn’t pretty enough.” When I tell you the national magazine decision-makers are almost entirely clueless, this is what I’m talking about.). . . Number of future assignments and dollars lost with that one simple rant: priceless. . . Channel 7’s Athens angel, Wendi Nix has been, as advertised, tremendous with her team 7 coverage. Her partner in Athens, the Glor Bore did a Mitt Romney-orchestrated segment on bringing the Olympics to Boston. Are you kidding me?. . . Last night, Nix’s wrap included sound bytes from a disappointed Larry Brown and an inexplicably jovial Lamar Odom who said even Muhammad Ali and the New York Yankees have lost. Not recently, Lammy. Not recently. . . All that Clipper time numbed the “Jim Harrick’s Greatest Coup Ever” into losing as a way of life.

Hoops
Someone needs to explain all this to me: Marcus Banks is the future. Marcus Banks isn’t the future. Marcus Banks is the future. . . I liked it better when Danny just traded everyone with the clause “no gimme backs.”

Rants and Raves
Reports that John McEnroe’s abysmal CNBC show twice received 0.0 ratings were shocking. That number means that some 40,000 people were actually watching. Just shocking, I tell ya. Between Mac and Dennis Miller, the network has the show no one watches coupled with the show no one can understand. If they can scoop up Jimmy Kimmel they’d also get the show no one laughs at. . . A sign that Kimmel may be getting desperate, by the way: he’s started doing his monologue standing up, ala every other host. . .It almost feels like Arsenio Hall might be due for a shot at replacing Craig Kilborn. The best choice, even though it would kill “The Daily Show,” is Jon Stewart. . . NCAA President Myles Brand took the onset of the Games’ to pen a guest column in Friday’s Indianapolis Star espousing the virtues of maintaining a collegiate commitment to the “Olympic” or “none-revenue” sports. Brand writes, “. . . From 1988 to 2003, 272 men’s and women’s non-revenue or Olympic sports programs have been eliminated. . . including nearly 21 percent of all women’s gymnastics and nearly 30 percent of all men’s wrestling teams.” Those numbers then set up Brand’s underlying message: “If the return on investment (of maintaining and growing the Olympic sports) is measured only in dollars, we risk losing sight of the true merits of athletics participation.” May we suggest that Prez Brand read – or better yet, write – that sentence over (and over) again during the BCS Bowl games this coming January. The ROI on the “major” sports leads to the very same sight loss risk. . . With Nicky Hilton now a newlywed – taking the Britney plunge at a pre-dawn hour with a guy named Meister (Brau)– it’s time for Scott’s Shots to refocus his attention to Paris. It was always all about you, baby. You and you alone. . . For years and years I had thought it was VJ, not Vijay, and he got the name form working at MTV in the early days. Awful golf humor – nothing like it on a rainy Monday, eh?

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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