By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

The “Big NO” on ‘EEI
Sorry to rain on the Jimmy Fund Radiothon parade (be sure and pledge what you can, but save enough for Jerry’s Kids next week as well) but yesterday’s first hour of WEEI’s “The Big Show” was enough to drive a man to Muzak. Permanently. We wish we could tell you who all the testosterone gigglers were, but unfortunately each loud one was drowned out by the absolutely intolerable and insufferable, loudest-of-‘em-all, Pete “The Meat. . . head” Sheppard. For some reason, during one of the 2 o’clock hour “Sports Flash” updates, Schelp figured it would be more enjoyable to constantly replay some Neumie soundbytes which the group proceeded to shred for Neumie’s softball approach. You know what, Gents? It would be better to listen to a flat Neumie ask questions of true athletes than to hear a roundtable discussion of Troop’s monetary gain from Nantucket Nectars or the hot yellow-shirted babe that just walked by the broadcast booth (who WE the listeners couldn’t see, of course). Believe it or not, all I wanted from my perch on the shores of Nantasket was an update on the USA Women’s soccer game – not because I’m a huge Julie Foudy fan, but because when major sporting events are going on, the 20-minute sports flash is a helpful tool to discover the progress of those events. Instead, I got the info I wanted (1-0, USA at half) from Walt Perkins over at WBZ 1030. Maybe someday, if it tries real hard and eats all its vitamins, ‘EEI can grow up and be like the all-time best sports talk radio folks, New York’s WFAN-660. The Flash for The Fan is exactly that: a quick update of scores and items of note. It’s not a time to hear Schelp and the boys show their petty jealousy at the fact that Neumie is the only true “National Guy” out of the whole lot of ‘em. And Schelp, if any of this commentary bothers you, just think for one moment of how annoying it is to put up with your sorry shtick day-in and day-out.

Rawhide
A quick search of the Internet and NESN.com did little to satiate the appetite accompanying Scott’s Shots Question of the Week: Where is Hazel Mae? Since a late July report that Mae would be starting up at NESN on August 19, we have seen neither the talented talent nor a mention of her coming aboard the good ship NESN (there are no press release postings at NESN.com since early July). Did we dream up the whole Mae-to-Boston episode?. It’s possible – at UMass one semester, I dreamed that ESPN’s Linda Cohn was my roommate. . . The NBC coverage of Olympic Baseball, specifically the preposterous Australia-Cuba game, might have set baseball-on-TV back to a pre-1980s coverage level. Cameras had trouble following hits and the announcing duo of x-XFL game-caller Matt Vasgersian and The Bozo With Him brought next to nothing to the booth (or telecast center where they were probably dubbing it from). It was pretty clear that the lack of Team USA Baseball gave NBC a good chance to skim costs for that sport, as it did for non-USA-competing, men’s soccer. . . You know what? That little turd who bitches to Grampy about missing all these special events is just the kind of kid you wouldn’t want to visit in the first place. Grampy would be better off using his Southwest Airlines ticket to head to Vegas. . . This weeks’ weekday version of “The Boston Globe Sportsplus-minus” show still insists on using its hand-held camera to add edginess and pizazz to an altogether edgeless and pizazzless line-up. Is it really necessary to see some crooked, jiggling shot of the set and the gray brick walls of the backstage area? Or better yet, what purpose does a handheld, wobble shot of Val’s footwear do for the production value? Perhaps it would be a better idea to get some flow and energy into the discussion before we start making viewers’ seasick. But that’s just me – a true believer that substance needs to win out over style. . . This weekend marks Scott’s Shots return engagement at the New Fraser Field in Lynn, MA for a special evening of Birthday Spankings in honor of Scott, the rapidly aging son of North Shore Spirit manager, Super Skip, John Kennedy. All Scott’s Shots readers who attend the special evening will be allowed to buy Scott’s Shots one beer, at the posted price. Look for the guy on the first-base side eating peanuts and stuffing birthday cake in his sizable yapper.

Pigskin
Ever since the honorable Danny Pires brought it to our attention, we’d been meaning to mention the “clip service” that www.patriots.com is now providing visitors during the weekdays. And since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Scott’s Shots would like to commend the Krafty Ones for knocking off the very concept of bostonsportsmedia.com, with their own News Blitz which links a good deal of the day’s Patriots stories. One Patriots official we spoke with even claimed the Blitz will link “negative” stories – a fact which won’t be able to be challenged for quite sometime considering the recurring honeymoon Foxboro’s Finest find themselves in. . . It was, however worth nothing the tone and mood of Tom Brady’s Wednesday comments pertaining to Troy Brown’s usage on the defensive side of the ball. It was about the most open and most audible player’s challenge to anything Bill Belichick has done since, well, we’d guess, the removal of Lawyer Milloy. . . Why’d the pats have to cut JJ Stokes? He was gonna have a BIG year - you know the Jets or Miami will pick him up and he’ll have 200 yards receiving and 8 TDs against the P-Men - in one game.

Between the Lines of Pages
We know it’s become tiresome to continually read this space’s rants against the Green Boxers inability to adapt to the changing New Media world in which it finds itself. But that doesn’t mean we’ll stop doing it. To wit, we took an average day of Olympic coverage (Wednesday of this week) and broke down the manner in which the Globe covered Athens’ events, versus that of the Herald’s approach. The premise for this exercise (performed entirely on the beach, from my circa 1975 Chaise Lounge, mind you) was to show how big a waste of time, effort and money the Green Boxers are utilizing for what, in essence, is an “Internet event.” Likewise, it will almost certainly show how wisely the Yellow Boxers are covering the first, full-fledged Internet Games.
First, the starting line-ups. For the Globe, the No. 1 columnist is Bob Ryan, while the Herald is relying on George Kimball. The clear edge goes to the Globe, however Kimball does for boxing what Ryan does for basketball, so there is some merit to Kimball’s voluminous boxing missives. The rest of the Globe staff in Greece is made up of ‘Olympics Guy’, John Powers, Brian MacQuarrie, Tony Chamberlain, Peter May, Reid Laymance, Ron Bores-US and on this particular day, someone id’d as Globe Staff, Thanassis Cambanis, who must have been situated close to Thessaloniki where the Iraqi soccer team was playing. By our count, that’s eight staffers.
Over at the Herald, in addition to Kimball there was Stephen Harris and ah, well Stephen Harris. The Yellow Boxers also used the wire service availability of the superbly talented New York Post scribe, Mike Vaccaro for a men’s basketball piece that May could never dream of writing and a Rulon Gardner column that was one of the five best pieces these eyes have seen during two weeks of Olympics coverage. The Herald used some AP pieces and a culled-together sailing story by home-based Michael O’Connor. In all, the Herald put together a 14-page package, compared to the Globe’s seven. Harris contributed a decathlon story (the Globe’s was done by MacQuarrie), a beach volleyball piece (Chamberlain), a women’s water polo story (May) and a triathlon preview. Each was equal to or better than that of the Green Boxers’. Bores-Us had a boxing feature on Andre Ward and a notebook, which was bested by Kimball’s Ward story and a Kimball column on Amir Kahn. Powers, who legitimately belongs in Athens because of his reliable Olympic sports coverage during the year, contributed a solid “On Olympics” piece and a too-late-to-care puffer on US Gymnastics president Bob Colarossi. Ryan’s Handball column was fine, but again you wonder who’s making the news decisions for Bob’s assignments – he’s a special writer, shouldn’t he be getting special assignments. May tossed in a women’s hoops game preview, MacQuarrie gave a weak ‘Tom Pappas-fails” summary and Laymance added a women’s pole vault story. Everything else for the Globe and Herald was AP and wire services copy which, in all frankness, was indistinguishable from one story to the next.
All of this comparison is a convoluted way of saying that when it comes to your Olympics coverage, there’s barely a difference from the paper who seemingly wants to be the Olympics Aficionado (just like it’s Big Brother, the New York Times) and the one that’s running one poor fella ragged, but saving its budget dollars for something that matters. . . We’re hoping Harris gets some kind of extended vacation when he returns – he almost single-handedly beat a staff of seven/eight for two weeks straight. Imagine if the Herald actually put some money behind its Games coverage? But why should they – the Internet will forever own this event from now until the end of time. The sooner the Globe admits that, the sooner it can get on with hiring some people to fill the spots left vacant by the Michaels Holley and Smith – not to mention the assistant editor slot that opened when Joe Sullivan got slotted in Don Skwar’s old position. The argument can be made that it is that hire – not the Pats beat nor the replacement for the rumored-to-be-promoted-to-takeout-writer, Bob Hohler, that will shape the Globe sports department for many years to come. If the No. 2 slot goes to an innovative, forward-thinking Web guy, the page stands a chance. If it goes to an old crony who still thinks the Sunday notebooks serve the same purpose they did when they were introduced, it will mean several more years of stagnancy on Morrissey Blvd. No wonder the decisions are taking so long – at least someone seems to understand the magnitude of the choices.

Shirl on the Olympics
“The USA didn’t qualify in baseball? How could we not qualify in ANOTHER game we invented? I’m telling you, David, if it wasn’t for that nice Israeli Boy winning the wind-surfing Gold, I’d be throwing stones through your father’s television.” The Shirl: Ready to bust up The Baze’s TV, just to prove her point.

College Ball
First, the pigskin variety: The NCAA, plain and simple, dropped the rock on USC’s Mike Williams’ eligibility issue. For every step forward Myles Brand’s group makes, it always seems to take two steps backward. True, this was an important time for the organization to flex its muscles as the case related, in some ways, to the Maurice Clarett fiasco. But the bottom line is that the NCAA needs to at least pretend it’s doing things for the good of the “student-athletes.” Depriving the game of Williams and his vast talents does nothing but hurt USC and college football fans everywhere. . . And now, more importantly, the orange leather variety where Scott’s Shots has learned that local entry, Northeastern will host the Big Man himself, all-time favorite, Jeff Ruland and the Iona Gaels on December 30. With any luck, the game will roll over to a few overtimes and the Gaels will come out on top in the end, thus allowing for a non-stop New Year’s Eve celebration with The Big Man, his new staff (including Vinny Boom Bah), and the best damn SID this side of the Mississippi, Mike Laprey. . . In other New England college hoops pre-pre-season news, UConn will host sure-to-be-embattled, Mike Davis’s Indiana squad on Dec. 4 in a CBS game. And, get this gem from another outstanding SID, Pete Rhoda: “The Hoosiers will be looking for their third straight win over a non-league, defending national champion (it has beaten Maryland and Duke in the past three years).” “Coach Calhoun’s record speaks for itself,” Davis said. “I have always admired his programs, and (Josh) Boone and (Charlie) Villanuevaare two of the better young players in the country.”

Olympics
They’re over, right? I can wake up in the morning and not feel compelled to watch live coverage of equestrian or ping-pong doubles?. . . Come home, Wendi Nix. We miss you.

Rants and Raves
There is no end to the joy in Scott’s Shots’ world now that the NCAA will require its miked officials to announce the number of the player committing a penalty. For too long, it was either “offense” or “defense” even though 98 percent of the time, you knew exactly whom the infraction was on. They’re big boys – they can handle it. . . Keep an eye on USC’s Shaun Cody, a dominant defensive linemen who, for the sake of simplicity has a tattoo of “SC” – his initials, of course, but his school as well. I always said if I’d gone to Dover-Sherborn, I would have done the same thing. . . My Buddy Paulie Brookline will love that line - he digs a good two-names-school joke every now and again.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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