By David Nomar Scott
Boston Nomar Sports Media

No, No, Nomah
Or
No Mo Nomah
Or
No. No. Nomah

Take your pick, friends. What a weekend! I mean, seriously. Mike Tyson gets knocked out by a chump from England, the Hull beach gets A1 Globe treatment to prove sardines can be people too and Alice Cooper blows the tent off the joint in, of all places, Cohasset, Mass.
Imagine Scott’s Shots surprise when the overflowing inbox missives didn’t want to discuss any of the above. All they wanted was Nomah, Nomah, Nomah. Never even heard of the guy ’til this weekend.
One of rock and roll’s most demented living legends invades suburbia on a mid-summer night, swings crutches, daggers and canes in the air, and all you people want to do is talk about the Sheath, the whole Sheath and nothing but the Sheath? Get a life, would you. . .It has taken a while to digest the Garciabyebye and Scott’s Shots was fortunate enough to have scheduled in a few “personal days” to surround the trading deadline to aid in assessment. Here’s some of what I have discovered sipping frozen apple-tinis, dipping white corns chips into homemade guack and playing Backgammon with the purtiest lady you ever did see: Yellow Boxer Michael Gee slept through the entire episode. His Monday column was more confusing to us than the actual details that led to the trade. Gee tried to paint a scenario where Derek Jeter was traded and draw some sort of parallel to how Theo was spinning the deal. But then he goes on to write, “OK, Jeter’s a special case.” He then goes into another scenario where, instead it’s Barry Zito. Gee, Gee, I just read a third of the damn column and now you tell me that was useless because of Jeter being a special case. Do you really think I’m going to trust you for another sentence, never mind the remaining two-thirds? And I still don’t know why this move didn’t make the team “better able to win the World Series.” It most certainly did, if only for the reason that Sour Puss isn’t moping in the dugout anymore. . . That’s not to say Scott’s Shots won’t be cheering whenever Nomar does make his return to Fenway. We never boo Drew, Clemens or ‘Toine. We won’t boo No. 5, No. 8 or whatever No. he is. . . Great news, no matter what side of the Nobrawl you stand on: In a less reported, but more important move, the Sox also traded Ben Affleck to the Kerry Campaign for a case of sunflower seeds and some pine tar. He’s your problem now, Flip-Flop. Enjoy. . . Fortunately the rest of Boston’s main columnists were up to the task of assessing the year’s biggest sports story (Super Bowl? Nope - maybe if it had been the first one again, but this last one was toned down.). . .This is going to sound like more Shaughnasty Reversal (see 7/30/04 column) or, as former valued reader Paulie Brookline called it: “girly man explanation of guilt”; but Danny Boy nailed it with Sunday’s column on Mr. Hamm. Despite laying a bombshell of some supposed Nomie team bus groveling from last year, and not having the space to explain its origin, DB took the trade for what it was: making the best of a bad situation. . . Still, it was the city’s most in-tune columnist, Gerry Callahan, who had the words that Scott’s Shots most wanted to read concerning the trade, the fallout and the future. Callahan had told Scott’s Shots earlier in the summer about his need to “be with” his column for a while. “I can’t just send it in. I can’t,” said the Cranky One. Monday’s entry was far, far from a “send-in” (see MGee, above) - it was well-crafted, humorous and pointed. With just a page separating Cal and Gee, it couldn’t be lost on anybody who the Yellow Boxers’ rock and redeemer is. . . Sounds like NECN’s Chris Collins prior relationship with the new Mr. Cub paid off in buckets with a GarGar call-in to Collins’s “Sports Latenight” Sunday edition. Once again, while the rest of the Sunday shows obsess over cramming the most writers they can onto a set, Collins focuses on the athletes whenever he can. You can’t tell me NBC7’s Joe Amateurino is better than this guy - it’s not possible. And yet Joe has the higher-profile job. Broadcasting injustice is a bitch. . .The WEEIners, especially the Gargantuan Gigglers of the late afternoon are at their most annoying these days. In admittedly (and proudly) sporadic listening, we have discovered this truth to be self-evident: you don’t need a brain to dial a phone. . .The former-Boston Sports Guy weighed in, of course, but for my taste he went way too-Hollywood, way too serious and way-too long in a column that included too many “Halloween” and “Deathwish” references for a non-viewer of either to handle. Sometimes, he just gets too cute for me to handle. . . This, of course, from a guy who led his Special all-Nomar Edition with details from an Alice Cooper concert attended by, oh, 1,500 people. Sorry, Sports Guy, I think it’s just bothering me that you have an Intern who has a better gig than me, and I’m twice his freaking age. . . Bitter? Me? No, just keeping in the No-mood. . .From the PR side, it seemed like non-too-veiled jabs by Theo when he praised the improved defensive infield just after thanking Nomar for his years of service. If it was a John Henry-mandated deal, as some of the buzz is suggesting, than Theo is not the power-broker we thought. If it was a Theo-mandated deal, and the defense continues to fail and the team continues it’s WOLO ways (win one, lose one) - Theo could be on his way to the Dan Duquette Sports Academy, perhaps as a counselor. . .Why did WEEI have to use the NESN audio feed of the Sox presser on Saturday and furthermore, why did they ever cut away form the pseudo-news conference? Dickie and Wallie are no more interesting than Theo, I assure you. . . You’d like to think all this Nomar nomenclature would die down, but it won’t. . . And whoever the “veteran TV observer” was that told Bill Griff Gruff Griffin this deal makes the Sox less appealing on TV, is probably both blind and also hasn’t owned a TV since his or her black and white died in ‘68. The Sox are compelling because they’re the Sox, not because they’re the Nomars. Griff Gruff should know better than to fill a column with useless words. Oh, wait. Sorry - all this Nomar talk and I forget the SporTVoid’s basic creed: be dull, be boring and mention the ridiculous numbers that already appear in a box below your words. . . Griff, Nomar typed that last line, I swear - go get him, big fella! He’s the one smiling and wearing a cute little cubbie on his chest. . .No one said Mia got traded. I say we keep her in Boston. . . Back to the beach, folks. Keep those emails a comin’ - it’s because of readers like you that we pen eleven hundred more words on the most over-analyzed trade of all-time.

David Nomar Scott writes from a seaside Nomar shanty on the Nomar shores of Hull Nomar and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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