By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Sunday Night Shows
You’d think, with ratings-leader Sports Xtra (NBC7) on Olympic hiatus, the market’s two other significant Sunday Night Sports shows would step up with spirited efforts. Instead, NECN’s Chris Collins brings back regular Sox talker, Gentleman Jim Of Corsi and the Eagle Tribune’s Bill Burt. Collins – who ventured to Vegas during his vacay – called the Pats loss a “Ron Borges special,” and led Burt to ask, “Where is Ron Borges when you need him?”. . .We’ll resist the urge to say Bores-Us is in Greece beating up International boxing writers. . .It’s times like last night when I’m tempted to just throw on ABC5’s West Wing re-run and abandon the whole damn Sunday Shows’ format. . .I don’t care how helpful the “MBT Device” shoe is for walking in comfort, it is by far the ugliest shneaker ever developed. And just how much ad time did the damn MBT people steal from NECN?. . .Over at CBS7, which was forced to push “Sports Final” backward for the extended network showing of “Pay It Forward”, the delay was hardly worth the 30-minute wait. It’s one thing for this dedicated critic to stay up and watch these strangely appealing shows, but it’s quite another to have to stay up extra time so that Babbling Bob Lobel can tell me: “The Red Sox are cookin’ and the Patriots are cooked. For this week.”. . . Tony Massarotti and Steve Buckley joined in for a lively Sox talk. Among the better moments was Buck calling Lobel “Grumpy” and Lobel doing a smarmy Mazz imitation of “Buck’s right!”. . .”They’re 14-7 since Nomar left. Since the circus left town,” Lobel said in further trying to stir things up after stunningly asking his guests why it matters if the Sox overtake the Yankees? Lobel said he was feeling ganged-up on by the “newspaper guys,” but it was more a case of rational writers not talking the bait of an irrational (muckraking) TV Guy. . . Lobel was, however, quite lucid on the Pats saying, “Who cares? Probably the best thing that could have happened to them.”. . . Steve DeOssie confirmed the loss meant absolutely nothing, while Michael Felger Underwood said the Pats were run on like they haven’t been run on since 2002. Steve Burton fell on the side of the loss “being a wake-up call” and nothing much to worry about.

Green Boxers Moving Quickly
Scott’s Shots, in its constant attempt to serve YOU, the reader, has been efforting information on who the Michael Smith replacement will be at the Globe. So far, we mostly know that it won’t it be Scott’s Shots, itself, having withdrawn our name from consideration in protest over Tank McNamara somehow receiving an Olympic credential. However, several valued sources within the national media seem to agree the search has already been narrowed to three writers. Further, the Globe is said to be waiting until after the Olympics to make the final decision, which leads us to speculate that Smith’s substitute could very well be in Athens at this current time. (Smith leaves the end of August, so expect Nick Cafardo to fill-in for the time being once Smith departs.) While that information doesn’t necessarily narrow the field in any way, it does suggest that the New Guy (we’re also led to believe it is a Caucasian male who is the first choice) is probably not currently an NFL beat guy. Virtually all writers covering teams on a daily basis can not afford to miss these couple of weeks of the pre-season. So there you have it: The Globe is seriously considering a white male roaming the streets of Athens. That shouldn’t be too hard to find, eh? Maybe it’s Michael Phelps.

Rawhide
Dick Stockton asked in Saturday’s bottom of the 7th on FOX: “Will Red Sox Nation ever be represented in the Olympics?” Amazing he could save such a gem for some two and a half hours, isn’t it? Still, just the sound of Stockton’s voice brings back enough “NBA on CBS” memories to last a lifetime. . .This winning streak sure has cheered up Troop, wouldn’t you say?

Pigskin
How great was the head ref in Saturday night’s game who wore the Iverson sock over his elbow and looked as if he had a mean case of Illegeal Motion ‘Bow? Iverson’s now reads “USA” and we’d suggest an “NFL” inscription on the Zebra’s wrap. . . Oooh – thank goodness – now we have something to worry about with Belichick’s Band of Ballers. You get the feeling that Saturday night was just what Dr. Belichick ordered for his patients. The true sign of how far this team has come will be in the reaction from the Monday morning QBs to see just how often and how hard they push the Panic Button. We sense there is more rationality from Patriots Nation than there is from Sox Nation. . . Lobel finished strong for a change with Happy 65th Birthday wishes to Yaz, followed by a Yaz montage set to the smash hit “The Man They Call Yaz” from the “1967 Impossible Dream” record (did it ever make it to 8-track or CD?)

The Sports Guy
Considering how many of the more vociferous Scott’s Shots readers think I’m a made-in-Tawian-Bill Simmons knockoff, the following will likely be deemed jealous pabulum. So be it – the Taiwan sticker looks good covering the mole on my ass. When Sim, Sim, Sim Shalom returned to full-time ESPNing, the feeling in these parts was “Bravo.” But let’s face it, Simmons is misfiring more than he’s blasting off. He’s caught up in this whole Sports Movies thing and it’s been at the expense of his good, solid reactionary pieces (i.e. The Celts-Lakers trade he was all over, but quickly learned that even ESPN can scoop its own employees). The movie stuff is fine – but put it in a book and sell it on your website. We want current, relevant biting commentary, smart-ass observations and some vintage BOSTON Sports Guy material. Otherwise, move him to Page 3 permanently and let Chuck Klosterman and Sports Guy compare bank accounts full time. . . Truthfully, the saddest part is The Siminator made a big point of expressing how wrong he thought it would be to make Sports Guy part of a pay-tier on ESPN.com. his reasoning, at the time, was he didn’t want to have to deal with the burden of sucking one day and having a reader feel gypped. Guess what? We want our money back, anyway.

Mr. Smith Goes to Bristol
Still no word back from Michael Smith, who we’re guessing has some vacation days saved up that need to be used between now and the end of his Globe tenure. Joe Burris and Nick Cafardo made the trip to Cincy, but Burris is said to have no interest in covering the Pats full-time.

Between the Lines of Pages
Even with wordsmith Tony Chamberlain penning the three-part series, the Green Boxers couldn’t make me Wild About the Kingdom or the “tranquility in Northeast Vermont.” The theme and purpose of the story seemed to hinge on explaining that being in the woods of Vermont is a “different world” from that of Boston. Really, you’re kidding? I thought the next stop after Kenmore on the Green Line was Jay, Vermont. . .The New York Times Magazine opened its front-of-the-mag section on Sunday, with a column by Times writer-at-large, Charles McGrath titled, “Lost Cause.” His premise was predicated on the Sox finishing behind the Yankees once again (which is starting seem less and less likely) and in the now-hackneyed belief that Sox fans enjoy losing more than winning. And of course, as every good (and completely ignorant) non-sportswriter must do for a supposed Red Sox dissection, McGrath dug up Shaughnasty’s curse book. There is really nothing worse than when the alleged, esteemed, literary elite attempt to explain things they have no clue about. . . In the same vein, Globe Magazine included a completely disjointed “Two Voices” feature with New York’s WFAN host, Christopher “Mad Dog” Russo and ‘EEI’s Glen “Big O” Ordway. Again, it was sports talk for a non-sports audience written (and interviewed) by, we presume, a non-sports guy, Phil Primack. “Two Voices” hasn’t worked for me since it was introduced with the mag’s re-design and re-focus. Usually the two participants are so obscure and the topics so droll that I skip it altogether. When they finally get two subjects of interest, the resulting “edited transcript” offers nary a revelation and barely a memorable line. . . You know, if either of these fine publications would dummy up and hire me, there wouldn’t be the need to point out all this malfeasance

Shirl on the Olympics
It takes a little sumpin’ sumpin’ to get my Yiddisha Momma, The Shirl, into a lather over sports minutia. And nine times out of ten, The Shirl will be ranting about missed free throws (she stopped watching Syracuse in the 90s because of it). But a voice mail from her vacation retreat on Cape Cod might have been the topper to The Shirl’s Sufferibility Index (SSI, don’t you know?). “David. Your father and I having a wonderful time, but I’m enraged,” this was gonna be good. “I think they should take every one of their passports or Visas or whatever they have and throw them AWAY. That basketball team should not be allowed back in the states. (Son’s note: Uday lives!!!!) They lost to Lithuania? Lithuania, David? I think they have one basketball in that whole country and all the children have to share it.” (Son’s note: Apologies for Shirl’s Cold War Lithuanian misknowledge – but she was clearly on a roll and nothing was stopping her.) “Lithuania? It’s disgusting. And that Larry Brown should never have been coaching this team. And where’s Paul Pierce? Couldn’t he hit an outside shot? It’s disgusting. Deeeeee-sgusting. I’ll see you Monday. And brush your teeth.)” (Son’s note: She didn’t ask me to brush my teeth, but I wanted to convey how sweet she truly is when the Olympians aren’t pissing her off.)

Olympics
At this point, all I know for sure about NBC’s Olympics coverage, is that if USA Today’s Rudy Martzke doesn’t give Bob Neumeier a gold Martzke medal, than it’s time to suspend Rudy along with the gymnastics judges. Neumie’s Saturday post-race chat with Gail Devers was dead-on. . .You don’t think Neumie’s handicapping the T&F events like he would the ponies, do you?. . . Here’s a tip for future viewing of the track and field events: always bet on the rail-camera running in the bottom lane of the screen. . . Biggest disappointments of these Games thus far: 1. Stacy Dragila; 2. USA Boxing; 3. Gail Devers; 4. Bob Costas still with his smug look that says: “I know Greek history and YOU don’t.”. . . This new NBC Olympic Arrow has great potential for football – it looks like the mouse arrow icon, but moves with its subject seamlessly. Wouldn’t have had much problem keeping up with Corey Dillon on Saturday night, that’s for sure.

Rants and Raves
My Buddy, Paulie Brookline was generously given one of these yellow, LIVESTRONG, Lance Armstrong bracelets and right away he notices the fashionable $1 rubber band was made in China. “I’d rather pay two dollars and know it was made in America.” He might be missing the point, but he’s still got a point. That’s the beauty of MBPB. Sister Lisa gave me my own LIVESTRONG band as well, and it went straight on the left ankle like my old, hippie peace anklet that some hippie chick gave me at a Dead Show once. Problem is, I haven’t been able to feel my left foot since it went on - do they come any bigger, Lance? Or is it supposed to be a tourniquet as well?. . .Thanks to all of those dear readers who checked in to make sure the unfortunate Hull bludgeoning news story from last week wasn’t administered to Scott’s Shots. And to those of you who wished it had been, you’re a sick, sick lot of mean and nasties. But please, by all means, keep on reading.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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