By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

Under the Big Top
As promised – albeit two days late due to the suspicious cancellation of Friday’s ESPN-attended (non)workout – Scott’s Shots pulled the mighty, travelling caravan into the Ford Ranger lot outside Sensor Field and took in the sometimes staggering, Sunday scene in Foxboro. Herewith, as an alternative to any more Nomarcy, is a look under the white media tent, that sits on the hill overlooking football’s premiere Practice Field of Dreams:
We kick it old school, as you know, so we opted out of the media parking and followed the common fan through the labyrinth that winds up the hill and near the practice field. With practice scheduled for 10, the line from Route One South snaked for about five minutes of wait time at 9:45 and wound into the upper lot, which abuts the Punt, Pass and Kick tryout cage. Just a squib kick away, the near sideline stands were packed and the south endzone hill was crammed. More than 6,000 strong, was the early guestimate and souvenir stand sales were brisk. We repeat, on a double-sawbuck beach day (perfect 10), on the first full weekend of August, more than 6,000 fans came to watch 90 minutes of stretching and drilling. Sans pads. Sans real hitting. The Pats drew over 52,000 in the first week of camp, alone - a number that needs to be considered more than once. Trust me when I tell you this, Red Sox Spring Training practices are NOT drawing 6G. In fact, if Bob Kraft was running a true “business,” this would be the time to sell –the franchise might never be this valuable again. . . Sorry – but it is a monumental transformation from scab games to what this franchise is now - and one I hadn’t truly grasped until yesterday. . .Finally had the pleasure of placing the name of Dan Pires to the face of the very same Standard-Times columnist. I don’t often judge men by the foods that are famous in their cities, but the fact of the matter is, it ain’t worth eating linguica pizza unless you do it within the New Bedford city limits. Pires says he doesn’t get out to camp all that often, but he makes the most of his time when he is there – and he doesn’t take himself overly serious while he’s doing it. Our kind of people. And our kind of pizza. . . ProJo Pats guy– and more importantly, Pembroke-native – Tom Curran was compiling bits and pieces and we bet more than a few of those strands of knowledge will make their way into Curran’s “Pats Chat” at 8:30 p.m. at http://www.projo.com/patriots/chat/. It’s always encouraging to see a paper and a writer who know the value of a good, old-fashioned Internet chat. . . Can anything Internet actually be “old-fashioned?”. . .Readers of the BSM site have been pestering My Boss Bruce with continued rumors of Green Boxer, Michael Smith making a jump to ESPN in some capacity, and thereby leaving the Globe beatguy-less with just a month before Opening Night. Scott’s Shots, in an act of pure reportage, discussed the speculation with Smith just before Pats’ player availability. Although it’s doubtful anything is imminent, Smith’s no dummy. If the Worldwide Leader (or, say, its representative, in the form of ex-Green Box sports editor, Don Skwar) comes-a-callin’, it’d be silly for a 20-something to hang up the phone. “I still talk to Don, he gave me a great opportunity at the Globe,” said Smith, who has improved is TV talents rapidly through multiple TV exposures. Smith said all the right things and put the focus on covering this team, this season, to the best of his abilities for the Globe. He said he very much enjoys his TV gigs (Around the Horn, Sports Xtra and NESN), but also, from the looks of it, thrives on the reporting and nuts and bolts of daily coverage. In this space’s opinion, it’s not a matter of IF? Smith heads for green pastures, it’s a matter of WHEN? and what hue the green takes on. But for now, he’s still a green-boxer, even if he did joke on his way into the tent that companion and correspondent Marc Carig (who authored a solid Kliff Kingsbury piece) is the Globe’s “next” beat writer. . . Line of the Day Under the Big Top: Globe Magazine’s Charlie Pierce asking CBS4’s Steve Burton: “Hey Steve, has Channel 4 learned that Nomar was on the Grassy Knoll yet?”. . .Patriots Football Weekly was triple-staffing the day’s activities which led Scott’s Shots to muse to himself (and now to you) that, after 15 years in national magazines, I have never ONCE been part of a triple-staffed event of any magnitude – never mind a shirts and shorts quickie in the heat of August. In fact, at SPORT magazine towards the end, we were lucky to have the three legit staffers on the masthead. . . Pierce, who is working on a Mike Vrabel feature for GMag, is salivating at the thought of Golden Eagle nee Warrior, Dwayne Wade running it up and down some International guard’s backside (arse, in French). . . You think, why Vrabel? For a Sunday feature? And then you realize it’s Charlie and you say, “When’s that running and can I get an advance copy?”. . . The Pats 2004 media guide tips the scales at 488 pages (including front and back covers) and contains ominous cutouts of a mysterious black-gloved hand hoisting a Lombardi trophy, as accompaniment to each player and coach head shot. If you look quickly, you think OJ Simpson is holding the damn thing and you begin hearing “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” At first, the glove seemed sure to be that of Bob Kraft, but further inspection suggests it could be Tedy Bruschi’s paw. Scott’s Shots vows to get to the bottom of the Mystery Hand Situation and report back. We’re here to answer the toughies, you know that by now, right?. . .A trio from the ESPN Club, including talent, John Pelkey was in town to grab some sound and footage for use in their ESPN Club, NFL shows that are the source of live “entertainment” at the Disney ESPN Club on the Boardwalk at Lake Buena Vista. Just to summarize for you: a restaurant, based on a TV network, situated in fantasy land, sent three guys on an eight-day, 11 team trek in a Kentucky-license-plated Jeep Cherokee, so it could have fresh content for shows that will be performed for patrons dipping (we presume) Stuart Scott chicken wings into Dan Patrick bleu cheese dressing. And I can’t get a measly quarter-mill to start Scotts Shots Illustrated?. . . Since the distinct possibility exists that none of that made any sense, please check out www.espnclub.net. . . The Stacey James-captained Pats PR Staff has the look and feel of the Sox young, and eager, good-press ambassadors that were ever-so-helpful during our Spring visit to Fort Myers. It’s like all of the sudden everyone in sports is figuring out that you catch more bees with honey. Help abounded from every smiling, polite and professional face, but we do admit a special place in the Scott’s Shots Christmas card Rolodex for Casey O’Connell, who not only escorted me safely to secure my credential, he also made a new box of media guides appear like magic. Brought a tear to my eye, harking back to a time when the Sports Illustrated writer, Gerry Callahan came into Amherst to do a Marcus Camby story and young Sports Info punk, Scott’s Shots shuttled the as yet, not too Cranky One over to the Mullins Center. I’ve never shared that moment before - it was life-altering. Truly. For both of us, I presume.

Rawhide
Nope. Not gonna do it. No damn baseball. Manny doesn’t play, Scott’s Shots doesn’t play. That’s how it is now. . . Except for this – Kevin Millar, it turns out, was not acting in that Rally Karaoke lunacy from last season: he’s just that dumb. Silence, Kevin, is a virtue, capiche?

Sunday Night Shows
The best news to come out of Sunday Nights very run-of-the-mill shows is that Joe Amateurino’s awful, yet somehow still popular, NBC7 “Sports Xtra” will not be seen for three full weeks, thanks to the Olympics. Asked Michael Smith, of the famous Michaels Holley and Smith duo, “Do we still get paid?” Listen, Mike - if anyone should be getting paid, it should be us for having to sit through something as painful as Fred Smerlas attempting to bring Ron Bores-us over from the darkside of Pats Haters. Smerlas spit and growled into the microphone as the duo staged a “booing” session to honor the arrival at Pats camp of Never in July Ron.

Scott’s Shots interrupts this rip-job to inform you of a special Scott’s Shots Sunday Night Show viewing party that took place during last night’s post-local news shows.
Think of it as “The View” with Scott’s Shots playing the role of Star Jones alongside our special viewing partners, the Wild Samoan Sports Sisters (Formerly The Free Kobe Twins). Now affectionately known as “Afa” and “Sika,” the observations were made, verbatim by the girls (who by the way are available for weddings and brisses). Remember, these are true-life, living and breathing sports fans with estrogen. They are opinionated, fervent and more than easy on the eyes. They also probably represent the views of more than a few late-night channel surfers:
“I want to be Meredith Viera. I really hate Elisabeth Hasselback – she’s speaking at the RNC,” said Afa.
This is going to be good, Scott’s Shots surmises.
“I don’t like her either,” agrees Sika.
In the background (these girls are loud enough to make KISS background noise), Mark Ockerbloom and Ted Sarandis spoke, followed by a NECN Sports Latenight one-on-one with Ock and Richard Seymour.
“I think it’s intrusive and disgusting,” said an embittered Sika when Ockerbloom broached the uncomfortable subject of Seymour’s dad’s suicide. (This one was tricky - the suicide, as you’ll recall, was part of a murder-suicide where Seymour’s father, Richard, reportedly killed his girlfriend, Coretta Myers before taking his own life. By only referring to it as a “suicide,” Ockerbloom was leaving out a big part of the story. He had the news sense to ask the question, but lacked the tact or approach to accurately portray the entire unfortunate incident.)
“Hey, is Chris Collins going to be on? We know him – and his cousin,” said Sika. “These are the tidbits that go through my mind. Do you think my Jason Giambi is going to be okay?”
(At this point, any further assessment of the Sunday shows is futile - The Wild Samoan Sisters have taken over. They deserve their own Sunday Night slot - trust me.)
When Steve DeOssie is opining with Babbling Bob Lobel on CBS4’s Sports Final: - “I don’t know him. But that’s Lobie, right? Isn’t that what they call him?”
Among other things, we answer.
“We hate him - Lobie - no, I don’t hate anyone, don’t say that.”
When Tom Brady appears during Gary Gillis’s fairly ordinary Rohan Davey package:
“Put a razor to your face,” Sika says.
When The Michaels join the set on Xtra:
“Is this that guy that does Max’s show? Look, everything we say, he’s writing it,” says Afa.
“Is he writing that?” asks Sika.
Yes, we were.

Sports Guy Shines, Finally
In the first truly worthwhile missive to emerge from the return of Full-Time Sports Guy to ESPN.com, Bill Simmons did exactly what he should be doing as an Internet Personality of Consequence (IPOC): he reacted to “major” news in a timely, insightful fashion when Gary Payton and Rick Fox were shipped out of La-La Land over to Blah-Blah Land at the Faux Fleet on Friday. Simmons showed exactly what good Internet can entail: breaking news, as it happens with well-told dissection and assessment presented in a readable, user-friendly manner. It has long been the claim of Scott’s Shots that NO ONE breaks sports news anymore, because within a relative moment of the story being confirmed, ESPN or the AP makes it seem like their own. That said, and that belief being easy to illustrate, it is those who react to the news with perspective and intrigue who will control the next decade of the medium’s evolution. And so it shall be.

Olympian Effort
The honorable and prolific author, writer and raconteur – not to mention Scott Shots buddy, ole pal – Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports skipped through town on the final leg of his pre-Greece tour, this past weekend. Holding court in the Norwell home he once terrorized, Wetzel was ready and rarin’ to go for his three week odyssey. Then Scott’s Shots presented the traditional parting gift of Ouzo and Wetzel began to understand the horrors that may await him in whatever Athens gin joint is fortunate enough to have the Big Tipper as a client. Other than some pre-trip jitters about whether he’ll be sending stories via AOL Europeor carrier pigeon, Wetzel was fired up for his excursion. We’re hoping to check in and out with Wetzel and some other colleagues throughout the Olympics, but at the very least we urge you to follow his writings at sports.yahoo.com – the guy will bring freshness to everything he touches. . . Another quick Media Tent story: Witty and thoughtful, Alan Greenberg of the Hartford Courant (who shares The Shirl’s maiden nom) recalled his first introduction to Ouzo, thusly: “I remember seeing Robert Culp and Bill Cosby drinking it on “I,Spy.” As obscure as that reference was, sidekick, Charlie Pierce quickly spiraled the convo further downward the convo by mentioning “Get Smart” in the same breath as (the original) Mission: Impossible.

Tracking the Track Gals
Fear not, Ladies! With NoMia no more in the Hub, The TGs will once again have Rick Fox to keep an Inside Track of. The timing is especially fortunate for our Gals, as rumors abound of purported trouble between Foxie and the always dazzling wifey, Vanessa Williams.If Rickessa is in fact in splitsville, that could mean the ready-Fox will be on the prowl all over Boston’s Newbury Street. File under: Fox trots back to Beantown!

X Games X
Listen, you got a good 300 words on the X Games last Friday. Anything more than that and I’d have to dig up some old Tony Hawke transcripts from my days on the SI Kids vert skateboard beat in the 90s; and those papers are in a storage facility somewhere in New Rochelle, New York – quite possibly even the back room at The Beechmont Tavern. No one – not even “The Big Man” himself – wants me back in that neighborhood, you can be sure.

The Boys are Back in Bristol
Much to Scott’s Shots surprise, a very prominent local media personality chimed in to defend our Sworn Broadcast Enemy No. 1, Keith Olbermann. Calling him “brilliant” seemed to be a stretch, but the kind rebuke did prove us wrong – not EVERYone loathes the Egomann.

Rants and Raves
ESPN’s SportsCenter Old School was well worth the viewing with Dan Patrick and Craig Kilborn once again gelling. No expense was spared with an old-time looking set, awful patches on the boys’ blazers and special Old School graphics. . . Karl Ravech’s Sunday ESPN Conversation with Nomar was a week too late, but the good news is its content shouldn’t stir up anything new. Unless that Grassy Knoll thing is true.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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