By David Scott
An Important Announcement from Scott’s Shots, To You
Due to the completely shocking recent development whereby Scott’s Shots the Person has gained meaningful, full-time employment, we now find ourselves in the process of altering the day and frequency of this column. What this means for you, the loyal (and somewhat demented) reader, is, as follows:
1. Your humble servant will be able to afford such luxury items as deodorant, milk and food for the dog.
2. With a more demanding travel schedule, there will no longer be regularly-scheduled Monday Morning Dissections of the Sunday Night Shows. And besides, recent trend analysis reveals nothing much is ever said on NBC7’s “Sports Xtra”, NECN’s “Sports Latenight” or CBS4’s “Sports Final” and if ever anything of true merit is said, the respective shows usually tease it to death before it airs anyway. Know this though, the ratings don’t reflect the true quality of the shows. Babbling Bob Lobeland Chris Collins take turns out-performing Joe Amateurino and his gaggle of grown gigglers ala Smerlas and Bores-us.
3. The next month or so will have to consistent of sporadic postings, but hopefully by Thanksgiving, we’ll have established a regular day for the NEW, STREAMLINED, once-a-week Scott’s Shots.
4. We’ll still plan on offering the occasional “Behind the Scenes” features that have become a Hallmark of this spot on your Web dial. Okay, not a Hallmark. Maybe a Shoebox Greeting.
5. Ah, stationery humor. . . What’s better than that?
6. As breaking news involving the news deliverers occurs, we’ll do our best to be on top of it, no matter where the Good Ship Scott’s Shots is located at the time. More often than not, we’ll fail on the vow. Point is, you need to always check back here.
7. I’m still available for weddings, Bar/Bat/Bark Mitzvahs and the reputable Bachelorette Party. Not to mention employment at a major daily or website willing to add Scott’s Shots to the mix.
Wednesday summed up the Globe’s Bill Griffith dilemma in a vivid, living color. Despite leading with the week’s biggest broadcasting news regarding ESPN’s foray into an entire college sports network (ESPNU), Griffith failed miserably in any attempt to capsulize or critique the move. Instead, he cut and pasted the ESPN release and then played into College Sports TV’s hands by running a “sarcasm-laden” response that managed to name a CSTV corporate sponsor (Sirius) and afforded the CSTV brand itself no fewer than five name-drops. If the Globers are insistent on keeping the column with its SportView moniker, can we please get some viewpoint?
The real questions are: What took ESPN so long and how big of a miscalculation was it to let CSTV take root? That question posed, the next logical one might have something to do with how – or even if – CSTV will be able to compete with the vast resources of The Worldwide Rights Buyers? Two years ago there wasn’t a single network dedicated to college sports, now there is two – wouldn’t it have been nice to get some “PERSPECTIVE” on all of that? (One other note, at least give Griff credit for leading with the ESPNU announcement. USA Today’s ancient and fading Rudy Martzke didn’t even have a mention of it for Wednesday’s “Sports on TV” lovefest.)
Oh, and the rest of SportVoid? Nothing more than ratings babble and useless fodder, accompanied by the oversized, useless “What Greater Boston was watching.” Unless you’re in the TV biz some way, those numbers mean nothing. And if you are in the biz, you had the numbers at least 24 hours ago from one of the various websites or trade pubs. It can’t be of any reader service for the Globe to continue to list ratings for 30-plus events. It’s simply a space-waster so Griff can call it quits after 600 words.
It was clear that tonight would be ugly from the get-go when tailgate Compatriot, Richie Hopedale demanded to know what time we would be meeting to head over to Foxboro for the opener. He was asking on July 4. “Davey, I really think we need to get together by 1 on that day.” I held off asking AM or PM for fear of the answer. Alas, the SS caravan will depart at 3:30 and plan on encampment at soggy Foxboro Terminals by 4 p.m., the latest. . .On the Scott’s Shots menu is a Swordfish/Lobster tail kabob in a garlic, rice-wine vinegar and sesame rub; white wine-marinated salmon filets and a Miso vegetable medley with broccolini, broccoli and mushrooms bathed in Bass Beer and ready for grill-steaming in tight tinfoil. . . (We even made a Tailgate Sampler for The Shirl and The Baze to nosh on while watching the grandkids. Scott’s Shots: We write it, we cater it and we love it. . . You can stop looking for Media notes under this heading – it’s Opening Night for the World Champs and if you’re doing anything but tailgating or at least preparing to tailgate, then you’re at the wrong web page, fella. . .We once did a similar tailgate sampler for The Humble One, Ron Hobson that included cotton candy steak tips and a brown sugar chew dessert and the Humpty One never even returned the cloth napkin we delivered it with. He’s still our guy, though, just for his nickname. . . The FHM Magazine Gorilla is scheduled to make a halftime appearance in the lower bowl, so we’re assuming there will be some hottie Gorilla Groupies nearby. Look for the hairy guy with a Bruschi jersey. Ah, never mind – that could be any one of 25,000 men (or women) at Gillette. . . The Preacher Man, Double-R is said to be working on a special opening night speech, scheduled for 7 p.m. at the Terminals. With Rosh Hashanah nearing, you can be sure Double-R will be representin’ Rappin’ Rabbis everywhere. . . Let it rain, we don’t care. Uncle Stevie “The Benefactor” donated a canopy good to withstand Class 3 Hurricanes.
Rants and Raves
Scotts Shots isn’t necessarily “Anti-Serena, but now that Williams has made us aware that such a group of folks might exist, I’d like to hear their platform and visit their website. . .This hockey stuff on ESPN? Aren’t they on strike or something? There can’t be any need for Barry Melrose before the leaves change color. . .I’m not at liberty to discuss who it is I’m going to be working with, but rest assured it’s going to result in editorial innovation of the highest order AND you’ll all be kicking yourselves for not stealing me first. . . My Buddy Paulie Brookline is proposing – formally via this forum – that he and I would like to pen a weekly Fantasy Football column for the Herald’s Sunday paper. “How can they not have one – they have that damn Rec Department section for the Gen Xers,” he moaned. I, personally, know little about the hobby, but with MBPB’s knowledge and my writing acumen, we could move papers, I’m tellin’ ya Purcell, we could!
David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org