By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

When the weekend includes a slate of national-level games for the local baseball and football entries, Scott’s Shots realizes the importance of offering you, the overwhelmed sports media user, a place to make sense of it all. In lieu of that actual place, we give you this Special Monday Edition of the column that used to be special EVERY Monday morning. Consider it a Mulligan for the weak Friday offering, if you must.

Rawhide
FOX is announcing through Scott’s Shots, that it apologizes to the four poor souls it didn’t get the chance to give camera time to last night. Maybe next time. . . How did Joe Buck already get big enough for such things as the “Slam a lama ding-dong” spot (and the Leons as well) for Budwesier? We always thought it was just Madden and the ESPN guys who could cross the line with such blatancy. . . Carlos Beltran doesn’t pitch too, does he? Wow! Talk about enriching your value? Which brings us to the now-strange case of Derek Lowe. Just how much did he help his next Major League contract with last night’s outing? There are ways of calculating such things, but let’s just guess agree that Lowe’s pre-game comments to FOX about the playoffs having a way of erasing lousy regular seasons, was quite perceptive both business and fan-understanding-wise. . . We’re not very happy that Jo Dee Mike Messina was able to sing during the 7th inning stretch. Seems like a conflict of interest to us. . .The funniest part of CBS4’s Sports Final last night was that Babbling Bob Lobel (outside Fenway) and Steve Burton actually thought there was anyone watching. With Steve DeAwful, Corey Dillon and Michael FelUnderwood, the show was strictly an MCI affair: Friends and Family only.

Put on a Happy Face
Sure there’s some negativity that needs to be directed at someone or something, but overall Scott’s Shots is trying to look at the bright side of this monumental underperformance by the Freewheelin’ Fenway Freaks. For instance, with the Sox gone it means it’s time to:
- Start loving Waltah.
- Begin filling out our March Madness pre-season bracket (right now we’ve got Iona playing Drexel for the national title, but that could change if the hype on Skip Prosser’s Wake Forest team is for real).
- Listen to WEEI-AM 850.
Oh, oh. This isn’t going well is it? Let’s be real. This sucks. It’s not even crushing and demoralizing. It’s embarrassing AND crushing AND demoralizing. Do you realize Scott’s Shots made a bet whereby he will now have to go snow shoeing up some damn mountain in Vermont? Do you know what that kind of physical strain can do to a man of my couch-sitting capability? I’m doomed.
So here’s the real list. Why it sucks that the Sox won’t string us along a few more days and a few more games:
- NECN’s Chris Collins was just reaching his boiling point. A Sunday night preview of last night’s game forced Collins into the repeated use of “UGLY” culminated by the spelling, “U-G-L-Y,” of the word.
- Ditto for Bob Lobel who was so distraught during the TV38 Pats’ postgame, he began feverishly shuffling papers and moaning about the plight of Sox fans: “It’s what defines us, I guess,” Lobel lamented. Never mind that the Pats are writing history in front of our eyes.
- Remdawg goes into hiding for four and half months.
- What on Earth will Danny Boy have to write about?

Insurance City Observations
An extended stay in the Hartford area allowed for some catch-up days with the print edition of the earnest, yet lacking, Hartford Courant. Fortunately, the Red Sox rainout on Friday evening dampened Jeff Jacobs’ spirits enough to spur the talented scribe to pen these words in his Saturday column: “If you are so bold as to believe I’m calling (Bud) Selig a whore, well, bingo!” Imagine if NASCAR were censoring Jacobs like they did Dale Junior! Whore might not be four letters, but it’s just one “E” over. Jacobs was taking big-time issue with MLB (and, in turn, FOX) waiting their sweet old time in calling the postponement. For Jacobs it was just another in a long line of un-fan friendly moves perpetuated by MLB’s (and again, FOX’s) blatant money grab. From a night with no ball, Jacobs managed to vent some venom for a worthwhile read. . .Sharing the Courant’s front-page sports space were stories of both UConn’s men’s and women’s basketball practices kicking off. It will be February before Boston even realizes college hoops has begun, but in the land of Gentlemen Jim and Geno, the first official day of practice is comparable to pitchers and catchers reporting. Never wanting to have to share attention with each other (as they were forced to do during last year’s National Titles parade) the women hold a “Supershow” at Gampel the day after the men’s “Midnight Madness” (Saturday). . . The big news from the non-event that is Midnight Madness was that freshman forward Rudy Gay won the slam dunk contest over sophomore big man Charlie Villanueva before a crowd reported to be around 8,500. And one last thing, attention Leslie Wade and your crack CBS PR staff: The Huckin’ Fuskies stole songwriter David Barrett’s fabulous “One Shining Moment” and produced their own “UConn-only version.” As a proud alum of another state’s state school, I would like to report this illegal usage and suggest they be persecuted to the full extent of the law. Thank you.

Shaughnasty
Has Danny Boy been using “Franconamen” all along and it just got annoying this weekend because of the situation? Or was it a late-season debut nickname meant to give a FrancoGerman sound to the local nine? If and then, does this also mean last year’s team was the Littlemen? I sure do miss the Zimmermen, don’t you?. . . No, really, DB doesn’t get giddy over knowing his Curse crap lives another year and brings in another dime or two. It’s got to be time for an update to that thing, right? I’m happy to guest edit, DB. Maybe I can even write the prologue. Or the postlogue, even.

Pigskin
Excuse me, Coach Belichick, in case you missed the FOX post-game one-on-one with Jets QB Chad Pennington, he told the nation “We’re 5-0 and we’re gonna go get Number Six (next week).” Thought that might come in handy with Willie, Tedy and the Boys. You’re welcome. Don’t mention it. . .Nice of Kevin Millar to try and hit one out to Howie Long on The Wall during the bottom of Saturday’s third inning, just after Long compared Derek Jeter to Tom Brady to the ageless, yet aging, Chris Myers. I’d rather have Long on that Wall than Lobel, wouldn’t you?. . . Give a little credit to WEEI 850-AM’s John Rooke who called the semi-stunning Boston College loss at Pittsburgh Saturday afternoon (as a lead into the special weekend edition of The Big No No with the Big Oh Oh and Pete the Meat, among others). Rooke, just moments before BC’s Larry Lester fumbled the game away in OT said “Remember, a turnover ends the game here.” It sure did, but Rooke and color man Pete Cronan boldly called into the question the lame decision by Tom O’Brien to run out the clock at the end of regulation despite have almost two minutes and three timeouts. Even with a 4-2 team, the Eagles’ announcing duo was bitter, honest and brutal. That kind of thing gets you canned at “Big-Time” schools. . . And although it’s painful to admit, the Big Oh Oh was tremendous Saturday afternoon when he lambasted any early caller who thought it would be a good time to ask “Why does the home team bat last?” Send it to ESPN the Mag’s Answer Guy would ya, pal. Just another example of the idiotic, clueless callers who populate ‘EEI’s call-in roster. . . chances are if you’re reading this space, you’re not all that familiar with the magazine “RIDES” from the good folks who bring you “XXL” and “KING” and “SLAM.” All tend to skew to the hip-hop demographic, and all deliver to varying degrees – great concepts, ridiculously small 8-point print-face, increasingly good access to athletes and entertainers, shady-ass ads. In this month’s “RIDES,” in addition to revealing interviews with Terrell Owens, Michael Vick and Warren Sapp (all featured with their “whips” or “rides” or “cars”), the glossy gives a little love to Car Repertoire of Providence, a high-end wheels and rims dealer in Providence. The “Celeb Clientele” list included Patriots, Deion Branch, Kevin Faulk, Richard Seymour and Adrian Klemm as well as credit for having “tricked out the red Cadillac XLR that was given to Tom Brady for winning (Super Bowl) MVP.” Do the Track Gals give you juicy bits like that? I think not. File under” Vrooom vrooom QT QB!

Between the Lines of Pages
The series of New York Daily News “Who’s Your Daddy” cartoons was pure genius. If anyone knows of someone who’d like to send Scott’s Shots a free set of the Bill Gallo masterpieces, have them email me. I know good editorial cartooning from my years following my man, Szep, and this stuff in the News was golden. . . Friday’s Wall Street Journal showcase Stefan Fatsis’s worthy re-write of the NY Times George Vescey column form a couple of weeks back. Vescey, with an assist from multi-talented Glenn Stout, is trying to distance himself from the Curse Crap in light of revelations that there are definite anti-Semitic undertones to the way Harry Frazee was perceived by other owners. (Frazee, for the record, wasn’t even Jewish, he was a Presbyterian.) Not to mention Frazee had a “malcontent” on his hands in Babe Ruth and basically had to trade the old fat bastard (my words, sorry. Got a little amped up there – tough season and all).

In Comcast We Trust
It would be a huge oversight not to thank the diligent info provider from Comcast, Marc Goodman, for his tip that College Sports TV (CSTV) debuted on Comcast last week. Goodman even had the foresight (listen up and pay heed, Comcast Honchos) to have a customer service rep give me a call to explain how I could sign up for the fledgling network (founded by the dudes who created Classic Sports and then sold it to ESPN). By the time our five minute chat was over on Wednesday afternoon, I had added on CSTVand the NFL Network to my lineup for something like nine bucks a month. Best ten-spot I’ll spend each and every month. I’ve already had my money’s worth on CSTV with their weekend Midnight Madness show, and that’s despite the way too early appearance of Sports Illustrated’s Seth Davis on my TV screen. At one point, before I totally ignored him altogether via the use of “MUTE” and channel changing, Davis said “It can go one of both ways.” Sadly, Davis often reports and writes the way he talks – despite having basically unfettered access to any coach in the country. But the TV people seem to love him, for whatever reason. . .With CSTV, the NFL Network and IFC, the Independent Film Channel, I can now avoid reality TV and TV in general, altogether, 365 days of the year. Sorry, Mr. Trump.

Hoops
It’s only pre-season, but the concept of WWZN 1510AM not being able to broadcast Saturday night’s Celts-Nets game because, according to the Herald, “a local engineer (in Albany) didn’t show up,” is nothing short of astonishing. What spells rinky-dink in more vivid color than not fulfilling your contractual duties for such an inane reason? Well, perhaps the fact that your “flagship station” barely reaches a 30 mile radius from your home arena. It’s a disgrace to what was once a powerful radio network in these parts and Celtics’ ownership should be ashamed of such an association. It’s safe to say the Bank of America Center is home to two of the least marketing/media savvy professional organizations in the nation. Saddest part is, they only needed to look to Bob Kraft for guidance.

Rants and Raves
VH1’s gorgeous Rachel Perry clinched a spot on the “Best Howard Stern Guest Ever” list with her Stern Show TV appearance that aired Friday night on E! . Think she realizes how nice a ring “Rachel Scott” has to it? What a woman. . .What happened? Did VB, Virgin Boy mistake Jodie Applegate for an Applie Pie? The FOX25 shot of Kim Carrigan between Annoying Boy and The Talent Formally Known as Gene Lavanchy looks like the biggest mismatch since, well, Yankees-Sox ’04 . . . Where do I get my “Free Bill O’Reilly” T-shirt? Or should I just Scripto over Kobe’s name?. . . In the interest of equal time, Michael Moore sure can piss off the populous, eh?. . .The best part about the FOX-shown Brown Paper Bagged Unknown Fan who wrote Who’s My Daddy on his sack was that he diligently drank his beer through the mask. Good show, old chap!

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull and can be reached at david@bostonsportsmedia.com

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