By David Scott
BSMW Columnist

The Philthadelphia Experience

In order to escape the inevitable over-coverage encompassing the big city north of Hull, it was with great foresight and wisdom that Scott’s Shots scheduled a week on the Philadelphia Main Line for this workweek. If you want to avoid baseball, this is the place to come. Or so we thought. . . Hit-or-Miss Bill Conlin’s Daily News column on Monday discussed potential Larry Bowa replacements and guess whose inch-square head shot appeared between those of Charlie Manuel and Don Baylor? Grady Freakin’ Little. Conlin skewered Phillies GM Ed Wade with flaming spears (a new favorite past time in Philly). Dan Duquette was beloved revered in comparison with Wade. . .Even an under-convincing win over the Bears couldn’t dampen the white-hot Eagles talk all week long. At 4-0, with Terrell Owens catching TDs delivered by Donovan McNabb, the city’s thriving minority population is becoming VERY attached to its footballers. . .If that seems presumptive on our part, check out the Wednesday Daily News column from Sam Donnellon, who urged the Phils to “. . . consider – I mean, seriously – hiring a manager from the list of quality minority candidates. . .” Donnellon, who is white, was playing to his audience for the most part. When in doubt for a one-topic column, infuse race into the discussion and Voila!, instant readership. . .Earlier in the week, a Daily News follow up story, discovered that Philly fans are louts to both men and women alike.

Equal-opportunity harassment brought to you by the dunderdolts at The Linc. . .A decidedly poor Main Line dinner at a strip-mall bar called Baxters proved just how disinterested this town is in baseball. “Who the Yankees playing?” asked the on-his-way-to-hammered mustachioed fella next to me. “Twins,” we told him. “They’re in it?” Here’s a tip pal: stop chain-smoking and have someone read the newspaper to you. The only things worse than the smoking blowhards telling lies around the bar was: a) the service at the bar; b) the French onion soup (aka dishwater with slightly warmed cheese) at the bar, and; c) that we had to ask for the Yankees game to be put on, and when they got around to it, the barkeep didn’t know where FOX was on the box. Of course, if you like Marlboro-flavored food, loud sots and 50-year-old women who shouldn’t be wearing lycra, by all means Baxters of Malvern is the place for you.

Hoops
Not all dining endeavors in Philly were so dismal – the Wednesday night feast with some of the Drexel basketball staff at Aspen on N. 25th Street was almost as satisfying as the notion that good things are happening to good people – in this case it’s former UMass coach, James “Bruiser” Flint and his guys: Geoff Arnold, Mikey Connors, Tony Chiles and the often-imitated-never-duplicated, Beej/BG, Brian Gorman. Staff meetings alone would be worth admission to see Bru and His Crew. To watch Bruiser Ball in the Dragon Dome will be a pure joy this coming season. . .Incidentally, the Dragons – as touted on ESPN.com by the AK-47, Andy Katz on Wednesday – are in a position to make a legit run at the NCAAs out of the always wacky, mid major Colonial Athletic Association. Katz, who just absolutely dominates college hoops coverage, used the parallel paths that Holy Cross’s Ralph Willard and Bru took to find a place where they not only flourished, but were appreciated for their talents and abilities. . . Flint is recently back from a trip down to Memphis, where the old boss, John Calipari and Larry Brown annually bring in various branches of their (and others’) coaching trees for a weekend of something akin to the Beale Street Basketball Caravan. “We go from like 8 in the morning til six, seven at night on Saturday – on the court, just showing drills, running sets. It’s unbelievable. It’s great,’ said Flint who shared court space with Larry Eustachy, Tim Floyd and, Lester Connor among others. At some level, no matter what your Calipari/Brown beliefs are, a get-together like that does reaffirm some faith that the game – at its core – is still thriving and evolving. The sliver of Larry Donald I hope I have inside me, says that’s an excellent thing. Hit ‘em long, Larry. And straight, too. . . A quick jaunt down memory lane led to this interesting bit of trivia regarding UMass’s shoe evolution under Calipari.

Both Bru and Beej confirmed that UMass was at one time a New Balance school, before switching to the (suddenly resurrected by Luke Walton) LA Gear. “We had these purple warm-ups from LA Gear and those things were nice,” Bru laughed. Purple? “I’m telling you – they were all right.” Gorman agreed. Scott’s Shots and TC laughed – hysterically. Eventually, of course, UMass became a fairly “big-time” Nike school. At this point in time, the Minutemen would have a hard time getting a deal with the old Caldor line of sneakers, the “Calpro.” (Kiddie translation: Caldor was
Target in another lifetime.) . . The night wound down at a reasonable hour after a stop into Bishop’s Collar on Fairmount. The joint had a good, gritty Philly feel to it and how many times to you get a biochemist and a basketball coach elbow to elbow, leaning on the oak? If we threw in a Rabbi, we would have had the makings of a certified Borscht Belt joke. “Biochemist? I thought you said how’s your penis?” or something like that. . .The beating our neck took as we swiveled from the Yankees ridiculous comeback to Pedro’s partial gem reminded us of the muscle strain caused at FHM’s 100 Hottest a couple of years back. . . Every once in a while, a slob like me needs to gloat about the fact that he walked the red carpet once at one of those silly LA events. But trust me, it ain’t my bag, baby. But I can still boast about it.

NASCAR
We’re still deciding if the Dipstickers spinmeisters are pure genius or completely stupid. Not only did the Mooonshine Circuit experience a week of national coverage because of the Dale Earnhardt swearing episode, but it also managed to generate some type of general interest in its debuting points race to the championship. USA Today’s Christine Brennan opined on Thursday that NASCAR handled the situation magnificently with its $10,000 fine and points deduction. Is that so? Last I checked, you could still watch the streaming video of the interview-in-question at NASCAR.com, the official site of the growing-pained league. In fact, just inches below Brennan’s braindead offering was colleague Michael Hiestand’s reporting nugget that the Sh*t Clip (or Clip Sh*t) was hit on more times than the fiery Earnhardt crash over the summer. I don’t know about you, but with me fire and explosions always take the cake over swearing. Either way, NASCAR couldn’t have been too, too offended with it if they were giving web visitors access to the clip. . . Oh, and now NASCAR is going to be on a 5 second delay; so the question arises as to whether crossing the finish line 4 seconds ahead means that you’re one second behind?

Rawhide
There’s been a lot of Terry Francona mentions in the Philly papers as the Phils suffer through Goldilocks Syndrome. Their other manager, Tito, was too soft. This coach, Bowa, was too hard. And barely anyone has the faith that the next one will be “just right.”. . .I know “we” sent Basketball Bob to the Bronx for Yanks-Twins, but that doesn’t make it proper for Whiny Lippy Lupica to come to Fenway for Sox-Angels. Shouldn’t he be following Tiger and the Missus on their honeymoon?. . .The multi-media enigma that is Philly’s Howard Elkin got a WCAU-TV, Channel 10 NBC “exclusive” Larry Bowa chat on Tuesday that allowed Bowa to feel better about himself and his rotten luck at being an overpaid manager who had no player-management abilities. Of course, Bowa than took his exclusive act to ESPN, where he auditioned for a spot as the Network’s next bitter, ex-skipper. He even went on the Beer Company Hot Seat with Dan The Brand Patrick and shared Baseball Tonight set time in the afternoon pre-game. . .As omnipresent and omnipotent as ESPN admittedly is, the Network still has inherent flaws. For instance, the Philly-area hotel that played host to Scott’s Shots visit had only ESPN, sans The Deuce. Thus, young Percy the Dog and I (hotels that take dogs rule!) were subjected to the Cards’ romp over the Dodgers, preempting Sox viewing for a full 21 minutes. It’s not a perfect world, and yes, Virginia (or Pennsylvania), ESPN is even susceptible to that imperfection. . . It’s not like this space to brag, but it should be brought to your attention that because of my extraordinary leeching abilities – displayed primarily during Scott’s Shots 2004 Spring Training Caravan – you were given April access to no fewer than four of the current eight MLB playoff clubs. Let’s reminisce for a sec: Who can forget our hour-plus batting cage, bunting session with Maury Wills at the fabulous Dodgertown? Or the convenient coincidence of Shaughnasty being absent from Soxcamp on the day of our visit? And how ‘bout the visit to Steinbrenner’s Gitmo-like operation in Tampa – all those Yankee fans, and so little deodorant. Lastly, we were able to glimpse into Roger Clemens’ Hummer and say good bye to Jimy With One Em Williams in Astrosland. All that AND we even found Whitey Bulger on several occasions. You can’t tell me the Globe’s or Herald’s Spring stuff was any better than that. And I charged it ALL to another company! Only in America, friends. Only in America.

Rants and Raves
Why was John Feinstein on the sideline Monday Night? First he infiltrates Sunday’s Charlie Pierceless Globe Mag and then the “Season on the. . .” Specialist steals some sideline time from Ray Lewis and all the other Lewis Criminals. In the Raven household. If he’s doing a ‘Year in the Billick,’ as I suspect, it will officially signify the Shark Jumping of Feinstein’s book career. Which is only odd because his body of work jumped the shark many moons ago, before his ego began requiring the second, full-fare, first class ticket for every trip. . . Get off Joe Gibbs’s case – they didn’t even have play clocks in the NFL the last time he coached. It was all just estimated and the score was chiseled into stone at the half and game’s end. . .We kid because we know he’s a NASCAR guy. They love a good yuk-yuk, hardee-har. . .I admit it – I’m a Wawa Guy in a big Wawa Way. The super Wawa near my hotel draws a breakfast crowd of ladies that the Times Square Starbucks could only dream about. I kid you not. Scott’s Shots could very well find his next, first wife at the Wawa coffee corral. It’s the one-stop, all-meal, all times of day convenience mart for food and fuel. Or fuel and food. Makes Tedeschi’s look like the old Lowemart in Peabody – a day before it’s once-a-decade cleaning. You can actually order an entire lunch via touch screen, thus eliminating the need for any verbal communication altogether. For all those reasons, and more, Scott’s Shots new motto for the foreseeable future is: “Gottahava Wawa.” . . .Word has it that the Fenway Press Boxis going to be dominated by UMass Collegian guys this weekend and although Scott’s Shots regrets not being able to make it in to The Cask, we do feel it necessary to brag once again: With a combination that includes Steve Buckley (Heraldo), Michael Morrissey (NY Post) and Dan Wetzel (Yahoo! Sports), it’s conceivable that the a majority of the best words written this weekend will have all been keystruck by souls who once sucked the
underground fumes of the Campus Center’s bowels. I, for one, am pretty damn proud of that scenario and I know I’m not alone. We don’t say it nearly enough, but The Collegian is something to be fiercely proud of. It doesn’t mean I’ll be hitting the reunion or contributing to the alma mater, but it does stir the cockles a bit. Understood, Ziff? Now get back to your Mencken. . .It would be an opportune time for another Ralph Whitehead anecdote at this point, but after reflecting on the last one I shared (roughly nine credits for a three credit internship), I realize it’s time to stop being so damn honest and (seemingly) funny. There was that once-a-week-class that couldn’t have met more than twice all semester. Ah, never mind. Suffice to say, Ralph didn’t need quantity to impart quality – and all from the comfort of a faded denim shirt and beat up Docksiders. . .None of his fans want to hear this, but I can see how the Sportsguy gets on non-Boston fans’ nerves. There is no way you can convince me his comeback has been anything close to his capabilities. As I’m wont to do, I blame the dot-com higher-ups for misusing him and being under-creative with his voice and perspective. He still makes solid contacts and hits for power, but he’s got so many more tools, it’s scary. If he were at scottsshots.com instead of espn.com – well, suffice to say he’d be utilized better. And paid nothing.