By David Scott
Boston Sports Media Watch

We thought long and hard about temporarily suspending our book-writing sabbatical for the sole purpose of once again pointing out the (recurring, laughable) prima donna ways of the former Boston Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Really, we did.

But when we got the following, carefully crafted three-sentence statement from an ESPN spokesperson (Paul Melvin) on Sunday night, we felt compelled to sort through the smoke ESPN puffed in the face of Simmons.

[BACKGROUNDER: In a nutshell, on Saturday, Simmons used his own, personal website to vaguely explain why his regular ESPN.com Friday picks column wasn’t running - and to give his weekly picks (along with the Sports Gal/Wife’s). With spite dripping from each word, Simmons wrote at his personal blog: “. . . Please know that I handed in that column as scheduled - on Thursday night, on time, like I always do — and on Friday afternoon, ESPN.com decided not to run the column. These are the facts. . .”

Trying to avoid a fuss - which is already brewing - ESPN would only reply to Shots two requests for comment with, “Editorial decisions are made every day about what content does and doesn’t appear on the site, when it runs and how it appears. This is no different. Our relationship with Bill continues to be a great one and he continues to be a singular, central voice that plays a very important role at ESPN.”

Using our Bristol Campus decoder rings, we loosely translate that response to: “This SOB is bitching and moaning again?!?! Wasn’t he just given months off to write his book?!?! Doesn’t he ALREADY have one of the best jobs at the Dot-Com - if not on the Internet?!?!? Hasn’t he gone back to Kimmel yet?”

PrimaSimmons - who was forced to dump a porn star dude earlier in the week - apparently is having yet another case of happy feet from the Left Coast headquarters of Simmons Inc. And you know what? That’s fine.

But why do we have to hear about it every time? Why does it always have to manifest itself in swipes and spitballs from the Sports Guy? Why does he have to take subtle digs and use phrases like “these are the facts?”

Who was disputing they were the facts, Simmer? Only you, at this point.

Can’t you hammer out your issues with your editor behind the curtain and not bring it into your writing (which, in fits and starts, is still some of the best stuff on the Web. Especially pertaining to the Celtics).

Everyone’s got issues in this economy, Bill. Everyone’s fighting The Man. Life sucks.

But not everyone wants to hear of the Sports Grouch’s inherent problem with being paid handsomely to write and yap about his buddies, his dad and his crummy life as an Internet hero.

David Scott writes from a seaside shanty on the shores of Hull, Mass. and can be reached at shotsATbostonsportsmediaDOTcom.

Scott’s first book, with Memphis Coach John Calipari, is scheduled for release in the Fall of 2009.